Big Pimpin
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Fast and furious is how I would describe my life lately. Barely letting my head hit the pillow at night, I’m working working and oh yeah, working. I’m not complaining, because I’m choosing to do all that I am doing. I like it, I’m passionate about it, and I don’t want to be doing anything else.
However, this–all this (picture me waving my hands around gesturing at all the places I write and work, there on your right)–is way more than just a blog. Or just a diary of my thoughts. Yes, it happens to be a blog and yes it does include my thoughts, but it’s also my brand. My product–or, my business. I do this as a career, and like any smart business person–I promote my product. Why wouldn’t I? It would be silly for me to work hard on all these things and then keep them a secret from you all.
Yesterday I received an email saying “all you do anymore is self-promotion, I’m tired of coming to your blog and being told to click somewhere else“. I won’t lie–that sentiment took a little bit of the wind out of my sails. For about 2 seconds I thought, “oh great, tomorrow I’m linking to a post I wrote at BlahBlah’s website, I guess that’s more self-promotion!.”
But then I realized, of COURSE it’s ok to link to my work. Why would I want to keep my writing a secret from all of you? That wouldn’t be fair to you and it would be just plain dumb on my part. I know when I have people whom I enjoy reading, I am GLAD to find more places I can read their writing. I can’t get enough. My secret hope is that you all feel that way about me, too. Or if you don’t, that’s ok (well it’s not ok, tell me how I can win you over), and I will move on. But to tell me that I should not be promoting my product? If an artist completed a collection and was having a showing at a gallery, would he be accused of shameless self-promotion if he told people about it? When bands go on concert tours, is it simply shameless self-promotion, or are they promoting their product and giving their audience what it wants?
I love what I do, and want to be successful, and even though I don’t think I’m “selling out” (another part of that email in question) by working with companies and PR people, I know that there is a fine line. Writers, and any artists for that matter, have a job that is intimately tied to their person. My work is my heart and soul, and I do need to protect it. I only associate myself with companies and brands that I believe in, and whose ethics are in line with me. I would never represent anyone just for exposure or just for a buck. However, dismissing any and all of that less than glamorous part of writing, simply because of a desire for “free and pure” content, is misguided at best.
In the end, I know that part of who I am is a “to each his own” free thinker, so I know that I’m not going to harbor these feelings too long today. There’s mouths to feed, laundry to be folded, writing to be published and sponsors to correspond with. So I leave you with this link, to my new baby that I’m so very proud of, and I hope that you’ll keep coming back for more of this crazy blawg, and ride this wave as long as we can, together.
MommyVlogger?

I’ve been spending time on NewBaby.com today, perusing the cute home videos and enjoying the “experts” and product reviews. It’s so nice to have a place to go where I know I won’t have to worry about my kids looking over my shoulder and accidentally catching a glimpse of a nasty comment or two (I’m looking at you, YouTube). I even caught a great blurb about dispelling the “mommy wars” and some great info on pretend play.
Have you checked out NewBaby yet? Here’s what they say about themselves:
NewBaby.com is the online video resource for moms featuring thousands of mom generated videos, product Vcasts and Expert solutions segments. It’s an online community where moms can learn, share and create videos in a safe, secure and Free environment. Come Vlog with us at NewBaby.com (www.NewBaby.com)!
They also have a 30 Day Giveaway going on, where all you have to do is register on the site and set up a profile.
I’m thinking that it might be fun to start doing some vlogging in the near future, and NewBaby.com is a great place to host those v-casts. I’m thinking up some fun ideas now. Taking my garden gnome on a tour of the city? Testing him out in our new car seat? Decisions, decisions…
Another Decade
Ever since yesterday’s post “I Get Lost“, I’ve had that song in my head. Debbie Gibson. 1989. I get weak, in a glance…
The 80’s. I can’t get enough. Walk like an Egyptian, Manic Monday. Hot pink and black. 80’s mod clothing. Atari. Bon Jovi with the hair.
I love it all. It’s not like I want to start hair-spraying my bangs straight up again or wearing shoulder pads, but today’s version of the 80’s. I’m slightly obsessed.
My friends make fun of me. I think I may be alone in this love.
However, when I decorate my home (well, in my head at least…) it’s all mid-century modern, 60’s and 70’s mod. Eames, simplistic, black, orange, white, brown. Vintage. It makes me swoon.
So where am I? I’m stuck somewhere, or perhaps not stuck but happily resting, and I wonder who’s there with me.
Where are you?
Simma Down, Mamas
Just so all you fine people are in the loop…we mommybloggers won’t let the crabs drag us back down into the pot (aka “crab mentality“).
Go read here. Spread love, not war.
What I’m Up To
The business of trying to prop up two fledgling new careers (mine and hub’s), on top of working really hard at not losing our minds each day as we battle back and forth with autism and it’s havoc on our home, does not leave much time for writing most days.
Especially today.
So I figured I’d tell you about what I’m up to, what I’m reading, who I’ve got my eye on today.
I’m reading about Growing Your Traffic over at Rocks in my Dryer, great info for veteran or newbie bloggers.
Fussy is reminding us all to Stop Poisoning Ourselves, at her Fussypants blog. Don’t even think about walking into your house with your shoes on after reading her post.
Steph at Adventures in Babywearing has posted belly pic of the painting that Ashlee and I created this weekend. The Tree of Life, like you’ve never seen it before.
I’m still enjoying the sugar high off our Cookies By Design treats that they so generously donated to Steph’s baby shower this weekend. They were a hit, so look for more about them in an upcoming Baby Shower guide from Mama Speaks.
Also, have you checked out NewBaby.com yet? They are like a YouTube for moms, where you can post videos, create playlists and connect with other moms of kids of all ages. You can archive your videos (to keep your hard drive purring) and share them with family and friends. A safe place to go when those nasty YouTubers are getting you down.
That should all keep you busy for a while…check back tomorrow when I’ll have a huge giveaway to tell you about!
Applesauce
Just had this….”conversation”, if you will, with my 3 year old son:
Him: “What do I look like?”
Me: “What?”
Him: “What do I look like?!”
Me: “Like a boy.”
Him: “What is that?”
Me: “Huh? Ok, what are we talking about here?”
Him: “Applesauce.”
Me: “Um…ok.”
Him: “That’s what I thought.”
Fifty Things I Like About Myself

Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that yesterday was a hard day for me. Well, I got it all out at my other blog (please go and read all about it here), and so I figured I’d keep myself focused on the positive today here at Chez To Think.
I saw Deb twitter this post, and was intrigued. Could I really think of 50 things I liked about myself? It’s certainly a daunting task judging by how difficult life has been for me lately. I decided that forcing myself to write this post may just possibly smack me out of The Wallowing, and that can only be a good thing. So, without further adieu…
Fifty Things I Like About Myself
1. I can express myself well through writing.
2. I’m tech savvy.
3. I have a wicked sense of humor.
4. It is utterly impossible for me to be fake.
5. I walk to the beat of a different drummer.
6. That beat is most likely coming from an indie rock band.
7. I’m opened minded.
8. So I have no problem questioning my own beliefs, thereby making them stronger.
9. I love the 80’s. Music. Colors. Jazz hands. But not shoulder pads.
10. I care about the Earth, and preserving it the best we can.
11. I do not ever give up when it comes to recovering my kids from autism.
12. I am passionate.
13. This passion sometimes ruffles feathers.
14. I am creative.
15. I love to paint on canvas.
16. I love to take pictures.
17. I am a really good friend.
18. I can make people laugh pretty easily.
19. I am dorky.
20. I am curvy.
21. I don’t like gossip.
22. Especially among church people.
23. I have weird hair.
24. I think it’s fun to have weird hair.
25. I have given birth at home twice.
26. I am a hard worker.
27. When I want to be.
28. I don’t mind admitting my faults.
29. I love easily.
30. I am forgiving.
31. I have a good sense of style.
32. I hate laundry.
33. And cleaning floors.
34. I have a crazy strong intuition.
35. Which means I am a little freakish.
36. I fly my freak flag proudly.
37. I love wine and cheese.
38. I have blue gray eyes.
39. My Lego Indiana Jones playing skills are legen. dary.
40. I have three gorgeous children.
41. They get their tenacity from me.
42. I am compassionate.
43. I love to dance.
44. I have rythm.
45. And some moves.
46. I know when to keep those moves to myself.
47. I have a gorgeous husband.
48. I have a strong faith in God.
49. I know He is all I need.
50. I know me.
Want to try this experiment? It’s harder than you think. I’d love to see your 50 things. If you participate, please leave your link in the comments here on this post, so we can all come visit you and your blog and laugh and cry along with you.
Green Our Vaccines: The Epilogue

We went. We saw. We marched.
We were surrounded by parents and relatives who I was not only honored to stand shoulder to shoulder with, but was humbled to hear their personal stories as well. Stories of grief, loss, perseverance and hope. Stories of how vaccines had injured, or in some cases killed, their precious children. On Wednesday, 8,500 people (and the thousands they represent) had their voices heard.
As we approached the place where all the marchers were gathering, at the magnificent Washington Monument, I couldn’t help but feel a plethora of emotions welling up within me. We could see people far away walking in the same direction we were heading, wearing the same green shirts. Ahead we could see the groundswell of the crowd gathering, lining up and growing larger by the second. Couples (like us), grandparents, even entire families had traveled so far to be there on that day. Traveled to make a statement, to stand shoulder to shoulder, to turn the tide of what is happening with vaccines today in America and create change.
Before long we started walking the walk. Slowly but surely, we headed down Independence Ave., proudly holding up our signs and pictures as we walked by each intersection and the hundreds of cars who had to stop and wait for our entire parade to pass by. Most stared, some honked. No one heckled or booed. How could they? The signs spoke for themselves.


We were energized but solemn. Each and every one of us would have given anything to not be there. To not ever have heard of autism or vaccine injury. To not had our children disabled. To have never needed a rally to get the government to pay attention to the epidemic they are enabling.
But we were, and we have, and they are, and we did.
And as our pace slowed down a bit while we passed the Health and Human Services building (parents of the CDC), we raised our voices a little bit louder and wondered if they were watching the mass of people below them from their cushy office chairs above. Were they wondering what we were doing and saying? Did they notice the faces of the people they are continuing to ignore? People who are “weak” and have no purpose except to fulfill their “unfit” destiny in this “survival of the fittest” mentality? I doubt they could be bothered. But I hope they were. I hope they were very bothered, indeed.
Finally as the entire group made it’s way to the mall area of the Capital, we were handed water and gathered around a small stage that had been set up across from a large platform full of the press corp. Cameras galore, we started to get excited thinking that this rally was actually going to get the coverage it deserved. Most of us realized that with the Obama/Clinton situation going on that it would be hard to be seen, but we remained optimistic.

First Dr Jay Gordon spoke (famous pediatrician, and doctor to Jenny McCarthy’s son Evan), and talked about how proud he was of all of us, and pointed out the thousands that would never be able to be at a rally like this, due to the extensive amounts of money they have to pay for their child’s treatment and thus lack of any funds to travel. Next Dr Boyd Haley (I might be out of order with a few of these guys, so my apologies if that’s the case), renowned scientist and expert on mercury, came up to the podium and reminded us all that science is on our side but no one will read it. He reprimanded the press for their continued refusal to cover the story in an objective way (i.e., nothing but regurgitating flawed CDC information). I’m told that many videos from the rally ended when Dr Haley said “you members of the press are a big part of the problem”, even though the rally went on another hour. Apparently the mainstream press don’t like to be called on their shizzle.
After Dr Haley was Dr Jerry Kartzinel, the doctor that has treated Evan and countless others, and recovered them from autism. He said that he himself injected his son with MMR and watched him slowly slip away in the days and weeks following. He said that his wife told him, “You broke him, now you fix him!”, and he is.
Next we heard RFK Jr speak intelligently and passionately, and I have to say he was one of the most inspiring and compelling speakers I’ve ever heard. Here’s an excerpt of what he had to say:
DC Rally: RFK Jr.–The Press from To Think Is To Create on Vimeo.
Next came Jim Carrey who was my favorite of the day. He had so many incredible things to share, I wish I could just type out every word here. Suffice to say I totally love the guy. Here’s a clip:
DC Rally: Jim Carrey–Their Purpose from To Think Is To Create on Vimeo.
And finally Jenny spoke. She has a very charismatic and down to Earth way about her, that we love from seeing her speak (and meeting her in person) at the Autism One conference. She had awesome stuff to say (and I will share more clips later) but the most moving part of her speech was actually when she was not talking at all. She had each of us hold up a picture of our affected children (some people held up pictures for families that could not be there) and asked us to hold them all facing the press while she played a song. It was by far the most difficult part of the rally to get through, and I had a hard time comprehending every one of those pictures. Thankfully my husband got it on video:
DC Rally:Jenny McCarthy–Change Is Coming from To Think Is To Create on Vimeo.
I’m not sure if you can feel the energy in that video, but I know it does not do that moment justice. You can’t see the thousands of people or most of the pictures because we were way on the side in the back, but you can get an idea of what happened. It was life changing. Truly.
After that the rally ended, and we all dispersed. Hugs, exchanging information, taking a few last pictures. Some people went to a meet and greet with Jenny and Jim, others met with people from their State and went to meetings with the legislators to talk about the most pressing issues in vaccines, research and laws.
I have more to tell you, specifically the AFTERMATH, which not only includes abysmal and biased press coverage, but torrential rain and tornados (apparently I took one with me in my pocket when I left the Midwest).
So for now, enjoy the videos and feel free to ask any questions. Also, if you come across any news coverage, I’m happy to post them here, so email them to me or leave the link in the comments. I won’t link anything that pretends to be about the rally but is actually about how TOTALLY AWESOME AND SAFE vaccines are. Good luck finding something like that.
Thanks so very very much to my readers, my friends, my twitter followers and my family (for taming the wild beasts back home so we could do this). You all supporting us and cheering us on is what kept us going that day and every day. I adore you and love you and would totally spoon you if you were here. Peace.
**Here’s a link to press pics of the event. Great shots of the speakers.
**Flickr pool for Green Our Vaccines Rally
You Asked For It
When I get tagged for a meme, I have a hard time thinking of things you all don’t already know about me. I’m nothing if not a big mouth with a tiny filter, so most everything I am and what makes me “me”, spills out to you poor readers.
So, when Jen at The EcoChic Urban Organizer tagged me for 6 random things, I figured I’d just tell you whatever pops into my head as I type. You’ve been warned.
1. Last night my son brought me a dripping cup full of what I thought was water and placed it in my hand. Then said “I caught my pee pee all by myself” and beamed proudly. We’ve had to test their pee each morning, so he thought he was being super helpful. As I forced a smile and walked to the sink with dropplets dripping down my hand and arm I decided that moms of girls don’t get to experience this same kind of fun.
2. This morning when I woke up I discovered that my baby had puked at some point in the night and neither one of us had noticed. There we lay, both covered in it, along with the bed, pillow, blankets, etc. Try not to be jealous.
3. Tomorrow morning the huz and I leave for Washington D.C. to march in the Green Our Vaccines rally. I’m beyond excited, emotional and anxious. I can’t wait to post pics and tell you all how it went.
4. I only like swimsuits that have a tiny skirt. One piece or two piece, it has to have that at the bottom. Not giganitic mumu type skirts, but just a little. I can’t stand the place where the swimsuit meets my booty.
5. Lately I have a passion for mustard that goes beyond logic. Favorite snack last night was melted mozzarella on chips and dipping them in mustard. You know you want some.
6. My friends keep me a float when I’m literally going bald from pulling out my hair hormonal changes. This post reflects how I feel exactly (and shows me at my most glamorous).
A Hot Mess In Headlights
Lately I’ve been discombobulated, but I think that the re-bobulation has commenced, and I don’t feel so out of body and wondering when the next shoe will drop. I wish that meant that I’m doing better, but the truth is my heart is so heavy. I feel as though I read story (scroll down for that story) after story of loss and grief and turn into a hot mess that can barely function each day. Like a deer in headlights, I stare out the window trying to get my brain around all that is happening in this world. We have our share of struggles around here, and I know this is where my heavy heart is originating from. My barely-scraping-by takes me out at the knees and my coping skills are almost non-existent. It makes these sad stories even stronger in my heart than normal. The sadness others experience is suffocating to me, and I’ve not even the person going through what they’re all going through. Is it possible for empathy to be crippling?
Maybe you are reading this and saying, “doood. stop reading sad stories!“, and honestly I wish I could. But until the day that we finally decide to go off grid and embrace the Amish lifestyle, there’s no escaping the sorrow that is happening every day, all around us. Maybe it’s the tortured artist part of my soul that can’t look away or stop thinking about these things, but I can’t tell if the sad stories have me feeling like a puddle of mush, or if I’m just such a hot mess that I’m gravitating towards people that feed my heavy heart.
Sometimes I feel as though I can sense every inch of my aching brain, like I’m aware of the curves and turns and wish it would just go numb a little. My heart is at such a heightened state of sensitivity, that when my child is having a hard day I almost feel like the sad energy has my whole body reverberating with the hardship of it. And the anticipation of it getting worse. And worse.
I read my own words, here, and even I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s not like great things aren’t happening in my life, they are raining down. And that’s what I want to be thinking about, focusing on.
Getting this out in words, no matter how esoteric and nonsensical to 90% of you, does help. I’m still a hot mess, but at least I’m no longer discombobulated. That made me itch.















