From the category archives:

Mabel

On Changes

August 26, 2011

We laid on top of the covers, sideways on the bed. Curling up because we’re both too tall and too old to just hang off the sides like noodles. The quilt still smells quilty and despite me loving it, tonight I wasn’t fond of the memories it was pulling out of me.
We stared teary eyed [...]

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Let Me Just Pour Out A Bit

August 9, 2011

As labor nears I feel new and old familiar stirrings pushing their way to the surface.
Apparently they were there all along. Not handled, but set aside for later.
And yesterday after me saying just the right things and him replying with just the right things, the stirrings came pouring out like a volcano.
And oh they are [...]

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Baby Maybe

August 3, 2011

Sometimes I try to fathom
momma to a girl
maybe she will be like me?
And if she is
I will never tell her she is too sensitive or
that she is over emotional.
I will tell her these things are gifts
to be revealed as so much more
once grown.

I will nurture her soul from birth.
From now.
My babe who grew as diamond [...]

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On Staying Grounded

July 29, 2011

Sweet babe growing and stretching
showing off the most beautiful bum through belly.
I prepare to birth as the new me,
since she’s never given birth before.
New dreams and new lessons learned
the pieces fit back together but remain changed
even now, as healing isn’t over.
I wonder if it will ever be over?
To soul-heal and grow a baby at the [...]

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When Mother’s Day Is Hard

May 6, 2011

Sometimes hope feels like a feather floating in the air,
you touch it gently,
with such a tiny grasp,
you don’t want it to disappear into the universe.
Sometimes that is what this Mother’s Day feels like for me.
I’m writing about Mother’s Day being hard
at Lifetime Moms today…come visit?
My sweet friend Lisa-Jo is writing about being a motherless daughter [...]

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On Breathing

April 30, 2011

I struggled and limped and crawled my way through this last week to make it to week 19. It wasn’t how I thought it would be.
I imagined reaching week 19, now farther than we got with Mabel, and celebrating. Throwing a little party at home, dancing. Joy overflowing.
But the reality is that a new layer [...]

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On Learning To Suffer Well

April 11, 2011

I lay and feel this baby, 16 weeks along now, move and wiggle inside me. I cannot get enough of each and every womb-touch. I take it all in. I gulp and gulp and swallow this experience whole. I cannot. Get. Enough.
But also.
I remember.
Laying in a dark room in my bed with a completely silent [...]

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On Listening To The Right Voice

March 21, 2011

Let me tell you a story about fear.
There’s something that happens when you begin to feel a baby move inside you. The womb jumps, your spirit catches and you wonder.
You wonder if it’s really the baby – or actually just gas or muscle twitches or any of the myriad of other things it could be. [...]

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A Blink Of A Year

January 6, 2011

I woke today having just blinked.
In shock, is what this is.
Stunned.
How can it be one year?
Did you know one year makes the loss grow larger?
Healing doesn’t go by logic or reason.
Any more than the grief itself does.
We family pray and hope, and do not despair.
But the sad and the miss and the longing. They always [...]

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