I can’t gulp her in fast enough.
Mouth wide, I try.
Heart opened to hinge-breaking width, it’s still not enough.
Her lashes grow and each day I watch them. Time stands still for those moments.
Her eyes are almond shapes that turn up at the corners.
They beckon me to a guttural, ancient response of the swooned variety.
And still, I wouldn’t be surprised if her brothers tired of her.
She does get most of the attention around here right now.
Especially when she cried every waking moment those first few months.
But they didn’t then, and they don’t now.
They can’t gulp her in fast enough either.
These boys have grace that is rooted somewhere deep within,
a trail of precious mercy that goes all the way down
where it connects with that part of them that is “other”.
They already know about their Other.
I’ve been marinating a lot lately -
in the truth that these are the years I will long for some day.
I will miss the smell of baby neck
and of sweaty boys
and of night time bubble baths.
Oh but to live and breathe that cliche – “live in the now“.
I trade trite for real, and give it a go.
***
penned this for Just Write today
take a peek for more essays <3
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Every time I read your writing I feel better about life, about myself, about motherhood. Your family is so so precious. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us out here in the readership. It’s a blessing!
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Arianne Reply:
January 17th, 2012 at 8:14 pm
@Kelly Roselle, oh that blessed MY Heart. Thank you sweetie!
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I so get it. xo
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Arianne Reply:
January 17th, 2012 at 8:16 pm
@Sarah@EmergingMummy, I knew you would. <3
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So, Noah is REALLY digging their tees. Like, that is pretty awesome.
Steph
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Arianne Reply:
January 17th, 2012 at 8:17 pm
@Adventures In Babywearing, pretty sweet eh? My sister-in-law sewed them herself, otherwise I’d send you some! River isn’t so sure about hers…
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Just adorable, she is precious and those boys… oh my the grins are really cute too.
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Arianne Reply:
January 17th, 2012 at 8:18 pm
@Sharon O, thank you! They make me smile. xoxo
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I’ve really been living in the now for a few weeks and it is as if every moment is take-your-breath beautiful, even when it’s not pretty or perfect or what I expected it to be.
You have a beautiful family. A really beautiful family.
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Arianne Reply:
January 17th, 2012 at 10:28 pm
@Bridget, aw thank you! And you have it exactly right. I feel like such a grownup to finally have figured out how to slow down and just live!
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Yes yes yes, THIS. This slow and gentle way makes everything shine a bit brighter, doesn’t it? I want now to be full of now so that when later comes it doesn’t seem only a mist.
Also, I want their t-shirts.
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Arianne Reply:
January 18th, 2012 at 12:13 am
@Ashleigh Baker, I so wish I had known this years ago when I was your age. Not to pull a “when I was your age” on you, but seriously? Really.
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This is so gentle and thoughtful and intentional and inspiring. I can’t WAIT to meet Miss River at Blissdom. My baby fever is already running high after seeing her in pictures. Those cheeks are surely quite kissable.
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Beautiful, simply beautiful. Looking forward to meeting you at Blissdom :)
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oh arianne, i’ve been marinating too… these days, oh they fly… and this grace in our children, such a gift, no?
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Wow you have adorable children. How many kids do you have now? I bet you’re enjoying their company. Family bonding and all that stuff.
I envy you a lot!
-Danica
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