Today was Mabel’s due date.
And today I want to share her birth story with you all, tell you about her birth day, because it was a beautiful day for us. Truly beyond words, easier almost to write music to or to choreograph a dance to. This writer relies on the limiting English language to describe a magical and supernatural day. The language fails me, but I try.
It was a dichotomy of soul changing events. Let me take you back to January 8th, 2010…
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I had spent the previous two days in somewhat of an angry coma state. The anger from having to wait, having to sleep two nights with my baby still in my belly but her heartbeat gone. A coma because of what had been given, and then taken from me.
I was planning a homebirth with Mabel, just like my last two babies, but when I knew I’d have to endure this birth knowing Mabel was already gone, I thought I had to have her in the hospital instead. I thought I didn’t want her birth to be anything like I had planned it to be, had things turned out differently. But the previous two days kept me angry enough with red tape and insurance issues that I had enough time to feel God pressing on my heart that I could — and should — still try for a homebirth.
Those days of waiting not only helped me come to the absolute right decision for her birth, but they also created this vacuum that was, in turn, filled with crippling, mind numbing
fear.
I was terrified. I knew what normal healthy births were like, but I had no idea what to expect this time. Even when my sweet friend Beth told me about her experience birthing her 19 week twins after they had been lost, the terror gripped me hard.
I literally felt as though I’d never get through it. I tried to act normal, tried to hold a conversation, but I couldn’t.
I was stuck with this deep need to let my baby be born and pass on and no longer be inside me, but I was too frightened to do it.
What would she look like? Beth and my midwife tried to prepare me — we had no idea why she had died and we didn’t know what we’d see.
What would it feel like? My midwife said I’d only need to dilate about half way, and being a person very in tune with my body, I couldn’t wrap my head around what I was about to experience.
The unknown, the grief, the details — I couldn’t believe so many women had done this before me. How could it be? My brain simply could not process it.
Around 11am the medicine to induce labor was administered and my husband and I tried to settle in for a while. While I wanted a homebirth, I didn’t actually want to have her at *my* home. I didn’t want to be around anyone, especially my other children. I wanted a quiet and peaceful setting where I could completely focus on what was about to happen.
We found ourselves at the home of my midwife’s assistant — a wonderful woman I had never met. Just down the road from our own house, this house was the absolute perfect respite and perfectly peaceful place I had deeply desired for this event. A huge suite looking out onto the marshy river, which later revealed white twinkling lights on the cyprus trees. God had taken us to a stranger’s home, and she opened her doors and arms and let us just be. We felt so loved.
Over the next few hours I noticed the contractions begin and wondered again, how would I get through this? Our host fixed us homemade chicken pot pie and cappuccinos, we listened to worship music and I read the book of Genesis. I moved to the book of Romans and we filled out paperwork from the funeral home. Most of the time it was just my husband and I, alone in my laboring with only God’s amazing peace circling us like this supernatural bubble.
No sadness creeped in.
The fear faded to nothing.
I later found out about all the prayer that had been laid over us during those exact hours. Through texts, emails, twitter and more — we were protected from the day being dark. We were given the most amazing gift.
Peace.
I laid down, and when the contractions slowed I rose up and paced the room. I did this over and over. Just like you would a regular labor. I know it might sound crazy, but I just couldn’t believe how *regular* everything was. I got a backrub, I prayed, I breathed.
Mabel’s labor was progressing but it was so peaceful. My first child that gave me no back labor, quietly I thanked her for that.
I was checking email only to read encouragement and prayer from Ann. Her words — straight from Jesus — got me through as I neared time to push.
Suddenly I felt a pop.
At first I wasn’t even sure what it was, because every other baby of mine had never given me the “pop”. Their water broke as they broke free of me, all in one motion.
But Mabel was different. Lady-like, even.
We called upstairs for my midwife.
“It’s time Arianne. You’ll be pushing soon. Just listen to your body.”
Five minutes later Mabel Love Segerman was born quickly at 7:45pm.
But
You could have heard a pin drop.
*
*
*
I was scared to look at her at first, her birth had suddenly happened so fast I wasn’t ready. I needed a moment to realize what had just taken place.
My midwife took her and told me she was perfect and beautiful.
Immediately I had to hold her. Not because of the reassurance from my midwife, but because she was my baby and every cell in my body yearned to hold her. I had to feel her tiny perfectness for myself.
She was so lovely, looked like my niece, and seemed to sleep perfectly in my arms.
The power in the room was incredible. I don’t know if I can even describe it. But I will tell you this.
We felt her there with us.
I talked to her as I held her, and I felt in my soul that she was listening. It was an oddly beautiful moment, because in some level of my heart I didn’t feel like I was talking to a baby. I was talking to her eternal soul. I knew that she knew me. I knew that she knew I loved her, that her daddy loved her and that her brothers loved her. I didn’t even need to say it.
I told her I missed her so very much. That we’d always miss her. The weight of the moment didn’t seem so heavy when I felt her there.
But it was still so quiet.
My husband held her next, and he would have her for hours after that. He walked her around singing to her just like he’d always done with our other babies to get them to sleep.
But she was already sleeping.
Time stood still as we held our daughter and said goodbye to her body but not to her soul. We could feel the moment nearing when it would be time to say goodbye. Hours had passed, and a part of me wished I could stay with her there in that house forever. But reality sunk in as I had to be transfered to the hospital (thanks to that stubborn placenta). I knew in some part of me, saying goodbye before I was ready was God’s protection.
But before we let go of her tiny body we prayed for her. For ourselves. For our family. We said goodbye for now and cried as we knew the magic of that moment was a one time thing. We have no idea the logistics of when a soul passes on, but we felt so honored to have hers there with us for that short time.
This is why we miss her. Because we met her, talked to her, held her and knew her.
Those moments, her face, they go through my head all the time. The images return easily, not to torture me or make me sad, but to remind me of this beautiful incredible day that I had with one sweet angel baby.
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Bawling. You wrote this beautifully. Thinking of you, sweet girl.
Cameron´s last blog ..Favorite {Photo} Friday–Lightness
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Thank you for sharing this. It is beautiful story. And I’m in awe because I didn’t know midwives would induce in this situation. I’m so thankful that you had such a spiritual birth with Mabel.
Kirsten´s last blog ..You Capture – Sky
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Oh my friend – as always, you share you faith, your heart, your soul with such complete honesty. You are a treasure – and clearly – so is your sweet girl. Thank you for wrapping me in your beautiful story….. I pray for you daily – I think of your constantly….you and your lovely Mabel.
Folding you in hugs…..xoxoox
ExtraordinaryMommy´s last blog ..What I learned from Kindergarten (my daughter’s)
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It will take me a moment to recover from this post.
Know that she is mighty–your Mabel, and she has reached beyond the womb and beyond heaven to touch so many. That soul, that purpose, that beautiful, beautiful girl–so like her Mama. Wise beyond the earth.
I have said it before…. you have my heart.
Sara Sophia´s last blog ..tree-weed.
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Oh, Ari…your words are music, a dance of words that touch my soul so deeply.
You are an amazing mother, and I’m glad that you guys had that time with her.
You are so often in my prayers, but especially today.
Bridget´s last blog ..Livin’ Life at 30-50%
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Thoughts and prayers and love with you today and always. Your sharing of this story will, as you so often do, encourage others who have to endure such a thing in the future. Blessings.
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This touched me so much. Although you’d already shared some of her birth with me, learning these little details made me
more in awe of how special it was. So imperfect…and yet, so
perfect.
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Stunningly articulated, strumming against my heart-strings, bringing me to a ball of tears. Sweet Arianne, my heart is with you today and always.
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting´s last blog ..You Know You’re Hungry When, Part Deux
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I am extraordinarily sorry for your loss. So many hearts and prayers are with you through your mourning – still. This is a beautiful story and it has touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing it.
Caroline´s last blog ..The Gulf’s Guests
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I am sobbing, Arianne. I’m not sure if it’s the hormones from my pregnancy or if it’s your incredibly powerful telling of the events that so many have endured, but I’m so moved. I’m glad that God was there with you to bring you peace and comfort, and I pray that He will continue to do so.
Tara @ Feels Like Home´s last blog ..Things to Write Home About – 5/30/10
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Thank you for sharing this moment with us…I know she knows you, and heard you too.
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I’ll never forget her.
Jenny from Mommin’ It Up´s last blog ..Thirty-onederful
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This might be the most beautiful birth story in type.
All my love to you on this day…
Corinne´s last blog ..Fynn’s Day {more rambling…}
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Absolutely beautiful. You are so brave. Not only in sharing something so private in such a public way, but for facing her birth in the way that you did. I wish I had been as brave in facing the still birth of my first daughter. But we definitely felt God’s presence holding us close as we held her in that hospital room. It’s been 5 1/2 years but it feels like yesterday…
Heather @ Not a DIY Life´s last blog ..Finer Things & Photo Story Friday: Graduation & Fresh Produce
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I haven’t commented on a post in months. I’ve been really sick, but reading this today, I had to tell you what an inspiration you are to me. Your relationship with the Lord is a kind of strength I pray for. I’m praying for you today, but I’ve prayed for you everyday since I first started reading your blog. Arianne, your beautiful Mabel is a testament to the power of love, of maternal love, of Christ’s love…of all things sacred on this earth. Your words were perfect. Sending my love to you and yours today.
Tricia´s last blog ..The Joy of Early Pregnancy
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I’ve been waiting to read this story. Waiting as I counted down the days to the 30th. Waiting and worried. But, Ari, oh how He loves us. How He loves you. I feel your peace. It filters through every word.
Thank you for sharing a glimpse at that amazing perfect gift.
Him and Mabel and you.
Thank you.
~Lisa-Jo
Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama´s last blog ..My all time favorite weird snacks are
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“I talked to her as I held her, and I felt in my soul that she was listening. It was an oddly beautiful moment, because in some level of my heart I didn’t feel like I was talking to a baby. I was talking to her eternal soul. I knew that she knew me. I knew that she knew I loved her, that her daddy loved her and that her brothers loved her. I didn’t even need to say it.”
You wrote what I had imagined it was like to meet her— that you knew her and she knew you. That it wasn’t like looking at a baby girl but at the beautiful soul you’ll meet in eternity. Oh how you’ve taken my breath away.
Nell
Nell´s last blog ..Shelf-Lining
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I love you, friend. I’m glad you were able to share this. Thank you.
Dawn Camp´s last blog ..Easy Duotone Images in Lightroom at Blissfully Domestic; KelbyTraining LIVE; Baseball; a Reminder; and my 4th Bloggiversary. In that order.
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Your words say it just right, friend. Am so touched by this. It’s a fitting tribute. Love to you and your fam.
Lora Lynn´s last blog ..I’m Turning In My Wings
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Beautiful story. I envy your peaceful home birth, I had a similar loss, but it was nowhere near as calm. I am still so sorry for your loss.
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This is the first time I’ve visited and I got her via my friend Nell (who commented above) who linked on Facebook.
Even though I’ve never read anything before your story really touched me and I sat here in tears. What a beautiful tribute to your equally beautiful daughter.
I know it’s probably hard for many to imagine this experience but I was present for something similar and I completely understand what you’re describing. A dear friend of mine lost her daughter only a day old. She was born with a hole in her diaphagm and was immediately put on respirators to help her breath. They couldn’t save her and I was there when they took her off the machines and let my friend and her husband say goodbye. It was an unreal day I’ll never forget and your experience so reminded me of the emotional experience.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have an amazing support group.
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I’m thinking of you, sending so much love (I hope you can feel it), on this day.
Love forever,
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..Closets: The end.
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I feel as if I know her too. And when I see her someday, meet her in our heavenly home, I’ll tell her what an extraordinary earthly family she had.
Thank you for sharing.
lisa @thebeadgirl´s last blog ..Keeping the Sparkle in your Jewelry!
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I feel like I’m treading holy ground, Arianne. Beauty from ashes, mosaic from shards. I’m humbled that you would let us share in Mabel’s birthday. Surely, God sees and knows every mark this had made on your soul.
Kelly @ Love Well´s last blog ..My Babies
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I love you more than I have words to express. Your words are so eloquent and so perfect. I pray that you can still feel the love and prayers of so many who think of you and your family daily. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, especially right now. These milestone days are so hard. I pray you feel her near you giving you comfort and peace.
Much love…
Kim´s last blog ..Exposed
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Your words took my breath away …I am so sorry for your loss.
Chantelle @ photo mommy´s last blog ..Weekly Winners ~ May 23 – 29
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Your words, your memories, your sweet baby girl. All so, so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Sending so much love to you.
Heather´s last blog ..The Haves and The Have Nots
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So very beautiful. So touching, so full of love and peace. I have been where you are. Blessings of God on your life.
sara – The Estrogen Files´s last blog ..Buy Stock in Kleenex Now…
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Thank you for introducing us to Mabel and sharing how God held you that day. I joined the many in prayer for you that day in January, and again today.
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Your time with her sounds so beautiful and sad at the same time. What memories you have to treasure of holding her and pain to bear of missing her.
Thank you for sharing Mabel with us.
Erin´s last blog ..Feeling Flirty Friday
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Your time with her sounds so beautiful and sad at the same time. What memories you have to treasure of holding her and pain to bear of missing her.
Thank you for sharing Mabel with us.
Erin´s last blog ..Feeling Flirty Friday
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I, too, have been waiting to read the story of Mabel’s birth. I can picture each intimate detail in my mind so intricately, it’s like I am watching it on television. She will never be forgotten. So many love your sweet Mabel. Thank you for sharing her birth story today, Ari. {hugs}
Alyssa @ Keeping the Kingdom First´s last blog ..Walgreens June Coupon Book
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You Jesus-shine with strength and courage. Holding you and your family tightly in prayer.
Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms´s last blog ..Standing in the Gap
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Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story, experience and introducing your beautiful Mabel to us. Like Alyssa said, she will not be forgotten. God Bless you and your family.
Sommer @greenmom´s last blog ..Daddy Wants a Goat
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I love you, my Arianne
Amber@therunamuck´s last blog ..NightLight Guide: the Calm and the Storm
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I weep…. your words birthing something so luminous, something worthy of beautiful, star-in-the-sky Mabel.
Someday, face to face, to whisper how I love, how I held your daughter in my heart those days too and I will never, ever forget.
Thank you for today — to let us all hold her again.
She is as radiant as her Mama, twinkling lights in cyprus trees.
All, all my love, always….
Ann
Ann Voskamp@Holy Experience´s last blog ..when your house is messy and you’re right tired
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” … because in some level of my heart I didn’t feel like I was talking to a baby. I was talking to her eternal soul. ”
What a terrificly beautiful and holy moment. That you would share it here? Thank you. I’m in tears — both from a grief I cannot fathom, and I joy felt deep within … because He has set eternity in our hearts.
Thank you. Thank (((you.)))
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You’re right. Sometimes language isn’t powerful enough for “real life”…and, especially, for grief…for hope.
Thank you for sharing your heart and soul so eloquently. You inspire us all.
Stephanie´s last blog ..On having friends and having opinions
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Arianne, this is so beautifully written and beautifully painful. I so understand the pain and the life-changing beauty of that day, those moments. My mind still can’t grasp that you have felt this pain, my heart aches knowing this.
I think of you, Mabel, your family, so often. I miss you. I miss her.
Beth at Folding Laundry´s last blog ..Friday Morning Coffee
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Arianne,
You have such a gift. I’m in tears sitting here reading this. I can’t even begin to fathom the depths of sorrow and pain or the grace and peace you felt.
The prayers that I watched flow through twitter and email and skype rooms for you and your family during that time were moving, I can only imagine what they were for you.
Thank you more than words for sharing this with us.
Love to you, now and always.
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So very beautiful, Arianne. Thank you for sharing. Lots of love, always.
Melissa-The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans´s last blog ..I need to pedal faster.
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I am in tears Reading this. It is so beautifully written and my heart was breaking with you. I have two children who are with our Lord. In the last two years there have been times where I never imagined I could carry on. Our Lord never let me down. May the peace stay with you and your heart be full of joy for your daughter. As I remind myself everyday we will be together again. God bless u
you and your family. If you ever want to chat please email. Together we can share our plans for when we are all reunited
xxx
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Profoundly touched and moved to tears.
She was honored. My prayers are with you as you are separated from her…for now.
kathy´s last blog ..Our Sleeping Beauty…
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This was stunning. Beautiful and devastating and your courage and truth are inspiring. Thank you for sharing this – you’re in my thoughts.
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I am so proud to call you my friend. You are a incredible, loving and powerful mother and woman. Words may not be able to describe the depth of your emotion. But your words have joined thousands in prayer, your words have drawn people closer to the awesomeness of God even in the most difficult of times, your words have moved, inspired and motivated and your words have let the world know what a beautiful soul Mabel Love is. I love you! Your friend, Angela Burgin Logan
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Your strength and serenity amaze me, you are an amazing woman. I am so sad that Mabel had to leave too soon, but truly believe she hasn’t left your side at all. I keep your family in my prayers and hope your heart feels all the love this little angel envokes.
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A glory baby. How wonderful that you had this short moment with her. I was not afforded a moment like that with the one I lost. It is hard to say I have 3 children when my heart says I have more.
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You are so brave.
This is so beautiful.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I can’t write Joel’s. I haven’t even opened a window and stared at it. The story is violent and ugly and cruel, and I never want those things to be a part of who he is and what he means to people.
But this? Will be remembered in joy and peace, like your Mabel. Pure beauty.
Sara Joy´s last blog ..Saturation
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A beautiful reflection. These tiny ones born to heaven are so much more a blessing than anyone would ever imagine. Remembering my own Phinehas Kristofer (born to Papa God’s hands 5 years ago now – far too tiny to hold in this world) and peacefully waiting for the day to embrace him for the first time. Peace & joy be with you.
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I’m so so very proud of you. Proud of you for facing these moments, and letting them change you- the grief, and finding beauty in these moments. You honor God with your beautiful words and story, told so perfectly.
I know that the language fails you- but you were able to use it in an extraordinary way. I’ve been crying non stop since I read this. So sorry I couldn’t call on Monday- my phone was dead and I forgot my charger (we were in Mexico). Got back late last night, I’ll call you today.
I love you so much, thank you for sharing this all.
The thing that made me most happy that day was talking to you and hearing the peace that had rushed over you after talking to you the past two days and hearing the fear. You aren’t one to ever be fearful and anxious, but brave and strong and peaceful, and I’m so glad that the Holy Spirit filled that moment with his peace.
I love her, and won’t ever forget her, my beautiful niece.
Carrington´s last blog ..I called myself a horrible Mom
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What a beautiful and heartbreaking birth story. My heart feels so much for your loss and I wish I could put it into words. Sweet Mabel. Thank you for sharing your story – I know you are helping other Mom’s out there who have gone through this same horrific heartbreak. xoxo col
ClassyMommy´s last blog ..Binky or Pacifier Obsessed?
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Your words encircle all of our hearts, most especially Mabel’s… as we share your moments and agonize your loss. Each word of Mabel’s Birth Story is a little gift to your sweet baby girl and a reminder that life is precious and each soul has its own grand and beautiful purpose. I think of Mabel all the time and I see her all around… in colors of the sky… pinks and goldens and purples and brilliant hues of blue. Mabel’s Story has touched my heart like no other. Love you. xo
Sharon – Mom Generations´s last blog ..Lands’ End Canvas and Lucky Magazine Host Summer Style Event in Burlington, MA
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arianne,
thank you for sharing with us. you stirred my soul. may God bless you richly.
hugs to you,
bridgette
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oh. oh. you shared her. you let us in… you didn’t have to, but she is so beautiful, and you, her mama always… oh. there are no words for this gift, for these tears…
Kelly Langner Sauer´s last blog ..nonsensical
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Arriane…
Speechless. How grateful I am that the sacred space of her birth was such a glorious one- a blessing in the pain. Thank you for letting us in, and sharing… this grief- it is hard to explain, but you- oh, the heart-rending words spilled on the page…
Thank you.
Joy´s last blog ..The gratitude, and the wonder…
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No words. Just a strong hug washing over you, from me.
Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..Memorial Day 2010
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Wow. Thank you for sharing this. I am struck by the joy and the peace that infiltrates every aspect of her birth story despite the tremendous grief and loss that took place. What a reminder of how God is so gracious to give us His grace in our most difficult times.
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Just wanted to leave a note to let you know I read your story. I am moved to tears…peace to you.
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last blog ..Spoiled Mommy…
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I found your site for the first time about a week ago. I just read through your daughter’s birth story and words cannot express how deeply moved I am by her (and your) story. I felt as if I were there with you as I read it. And yet, in some ways, I have already been there. You see, I lost my first baby at 19.5 weeks–also a girl. I spontaneously started dilating one morning and even after seeking immediate medical attention, nothing could be done to stop the process. She was born less than 12 hours after I first started having cramping. Her name was Kieran Noelle. It was, without a doubt, one of the most painful experiences of my life. I am thankful that I got to see her while she was still living, but only for a few brief moments. I am encouraged by how you trusted in the Lord through your grief and pain. During and after my loss, my grief turned to anger against God. I look back at that time, nearly 8 years ago, and wonder about how different things would’ve been if I’d only rested in Him while I grieved.
I was stunned (in a good way) to read that you chose to birth Mabel at home. Simply amazing. I will be writing a blog post about this, with a link to your story, on my birth blog. I can only imagine just how many people you are going to bless with your story (and already have). Thank you SO much for your courage to share this story. ~Sarah B.
Delightful Birth´s last blog ..Reality Birth Shows
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Amazing.
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My heart was so blessed to read how the Lord graced you and your husband. God gave you a wonderful gift, a beautiful parting –for now– with your daughter, and His graciousness and kindness overwhelms and awes me. It was so different from mine with my son Enoch and later my daughter Rebecca but we both have experienced the love of God in how these events played out. Our children have seen the face of God, something you and I have yet to do; they are home, well and whole and free from whatever it is that ended their lives here and for that I am awestruck and grateful. Thank you for sharing those moments with us. For opening your heart and life to us in this area, for it shows our Father in such a wonderfully real light and offers comfort for all else we may yet have to experience here.
Isn’t it an amazing thing to know they’re not dead but waiting for us? :)
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Love. Love to you.
maggie, dammit´s last blog ..Lights Out.
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Just beautiful…your words, the birth, your love for your daughter. God is so awesome, and I am so filled with joy that He made this moment so special, such a blessing. And although I know it is imprinted on your heart forever, I am so happy you got it down “on paper.” That takes it to a whole new level…when you can express your soul. Many blessings to you!
Heaven Sent´s last blog ..Foto Friday: F is for Fun
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Just wrote a post about your story, complete with linky-lovin’. :)
~Sarah B.
Delightful Birth´s last blog ..Loss, Homebirth & Healing
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Thank you so much for telling your story.
Stephanie B. Cornais´s last blog ..Is Massage Therapy OK for High-Risk Pregnancy?
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Oh, friend. Just…OH. Thank you for letting us peek in on such a sacred moment. You did well.
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Thank you so much for your strength. I don’t think I could have done what you did & not gone completely insane. What a beautiful story. I have tears running down my face.
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Oh my sweet sister, my heart is aching for you. You shared your experience so beautifully thank you. I am praying for you and your family today
much love & Hugs
C
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I don’t remember now how I arrived to your blog – I think through twitter…but it must have been fate! This post brought tears to my eyes. I also went through what they called in the hospital “terminated pregnancy” at 27 weeks. I gave birth after 15 hours of induced labor. I wish I would have been able to read a post like yours prior to going through it.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I too think that the day I gave birth to that little baby boy was a special beautiful day.
ps After 7 years of fertility treatments, 15 IFV’s 1 terminated pregnancy I gave birth to a beautiful perfect baby girl – who is now 6 years old!
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Your sweet Mabel’s birth story is beautiful, thank you for opening your heart and sharing. It amazes me how similar it is to our own story of the birth of our sweet angel baby Ben who we lost at 38 weeks. We also felt a peace surround us that was indescribable. Thank you for sharing.
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That was very… beautiful. Thank you. I needed it to appreciate my daughter even more. You’re in my prayers…
Anastasia B´s last blog ..Francoise Studio Review -amp Giveaway
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I am in tears and almost without words. That was such a beautiful story, and I feel blessed not only to know you but to know Mabel through your words. You are in my prayers and on my mind today and every day, and I thank you deeply for sharing those moments with us. We will never be able to feel what you felt, but your words stirred emotions inside me I never thought I could feel. Sending you and your family all my love.
Jennae´s last blog ..Need an Excuse to Ditch Paper Towels Check Out Paper Cloud’s Napkins -amp Placemats
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I seem to have a sudden cold with tears streaming down my face and have the sniffles ;) You wrote so beautifully of your relationship with your beloved Mabel. I know the twirl of emotions, and that Peace that carries us thru what we don’t think we could otherwise get thru. But we are strong, and Love carries us forever.
I gave birth to Samuel in Nov09, and had carried him without a heartbeat for about 15 weeks until a beautiful unassisted homebirth (my dream) happened when all our dc were under 1 roof. God knew exactly what this mama needed. And now I can embrace the whole entire experience, warmly, thankfully, for it has been a part of a transitioning to the New Me.
Warm embraces.
Karen´s last blog ..Eat Yourself Happy-
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My sister had a very similar situation almost 35 years ago…peace to you and yours.
Betsy´s last blog ..Free Chips and Queso!
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Followed you here through (in)Courage. My heart aches for you in the death of your sweet daughter. Thank you for the loving courage to share her with all of us. {{{hug}}}
jenni
Mommy to 3-long-awaited miracles here on earth and 3 more blessings awaiting us in Heaven
Jenni Saake “InfertilityMom”´s last blog ..4isims
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I lost a child too–a 4 month old son. During those four months, especially as he neared death I did feel like I was talking to the eternal soul within him–ageless. Not a little baby who could only be aware of his biological needs. I still think of him that way–ageless. Even though my arms ached for his babyness–I was (am) comforted by knowing the realest part of him is with Jesus. The ageless part. I don’t understand the whole thing…when we get to heaven we’ll get it.
You wrote this story beautifully. I felt the whole thing. I am so sorry for the loss of sweet mabel. Thanks for sharing these holy moments with us.
dawn´s last blog ..Coffee Girl Coffee 8-6
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Oh, what a powerful story. I am sitting here in an internet cafe and crying! It reminded me of my own little one that I miscarried two years ago. Though we saw her or him, it was much much earlier. And I just am sad for the thought of it. Sad that I don’t remember him or her more and the gift that that precious life was for our family. But hopeful . . . in the reunion in heaven.
Thanks for reminding me of my fourth baby . . .
laura@life overseas´s last blog ..Monday’s Question ANGRY
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We also experienced this with our preicious Grand daughter. Her story is on my blog…if you’d like to read about God’s amazing touching moment in our lives ..go to my archive of MAY and read the post A lone BUTTERFLY of comfort.
Thank you for sharing your heart…and GOD’s care…many will be comforted by your words.
God bless.
HOPE
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This post is actually how I found you first. BabySteph tweeted it out and I remember reading and notbeing able to find the right words to comment just how I wanted to at the beauty and peace in this birth. I am so sorry you lost your beautiful Mabel. Thank you so much for sharing her birth story.
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this is beautiful, your peace and faith are beautiful, you are beautiful
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Unbelievably sad but sweet story. Sad that you lost her for now, but so sweet that you had a memorable experience for her birth.
Bernice
Ramblings of a Woman´s last blog ..Is it time to change- for a change
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What a beautiful testimony. I had no idea that you went through this…
I am amazed at how God can take something that seems so tragic and make it beautiful in His own way. Thank you for sharing.
Erin
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Wow! That is all I can say. This is one of the most touching and beautiful posts that I have ever read. Thank you so much for sharing this inspirational story. God is truly a comfort and Mabel is a little angel in his army of love.
Sincerely,
Julie
Julie´s last blog ..DIY: All Chained Up
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Arianne Reply:
August 5th, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Thank you for those sweet words! xoxo
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My heart catches in my throat whenever I read a story like this from someone brave enough to tell it with as much honesty and soul as you did. I’m trying to tell my own story right now. It’s about a lost pregnancy that came and went in the blink of an eye, and didn’t last nearly as long as yours, but has left little scars inside me all the same. There’s always a part of me that feels like I shouldn’t give my loss any weight when I read that someone has gone through something like this, but I know that everyone is entitled to their own story, regardless of how they compare to others’. Anyways, I’m not sure what exactly my message to you is… but just know that I read your story. I admire your heart. And even if my experience feels silly next to some, I feel encouraged by you. To embrace what I feel, hold it and sing to it, rock it and lay it out. And then let it go.
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