A few weeks ago I was doing the dreaded swimsuit shopping awfulness, and had no choice but to take the kids with me into the battle. It was me vs. the swimsuits, and it wasn’t going to be pretty.
I knew I was pressing my luck, the kids can’t handle stores for very long, never mind the dressing rooms, but it was that or wear sweats to the pool (looking back, should’ve totally gone with the sweats…).
I’m pretty sure various threats were flying through the air in their direction, while I was simultaneously promising to buy them a bevy of lame toys if they would just sitstillandpleasestopyelling.
Unfortunately, the being wild and yelling was the least of my worries. For when I tried on my swim suit, and they got a good gander at the hips and thighs that I always keep covered, honestly they were a bit dumbstruck.
I could tell they were like “whoa dude, we have never seen legs so white” and also “whoa dude, those legs are not skinny”, all at the same time.
My middle child, darling little soothsayer that he is, said to me “why are your legs so…KRINKLY??”
And then it hit me…my kids are old enough to notice my weight. Not that I am thinking they’ve never noticed that people are different sizes, but they NOTICED that “krinkly” legs were perhaps not normal. Noticed that there was even anything to notice.
Now don’t get me wrong, my kids actually tell me often that I look pretty, that they like my outfit/shoes/hair/whatever. They are sweetness and honey and notice those things.
They also notice other things.
The part of all this that really smacked me in the face was not that they noticed, but that they even had the *chance* to notice. Those of you who have a lot of weight to lose will understand: I wanted to be thin so that they’d not ever remember me not thin. I wanted my non-thin days to be when they were too young, and some day when they look back at pictures they’ll be all “dude” and I’ll be all “right??!!” and we’ll talk about how you should not get depressed for 5 years because it’s not kind to your hips.
I know there’s still time, but I also realize that there’s no time like right now. New mom, new photos. That’s the me I want in their memories.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, I remember saying something like that to my Mom when I was little… similar situation and then the other day I was getting dressed and had that flashback thinking what goes around comes around. It came around all right and never left my backside.
Steph
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I wanted the same thing, too….to be "done" by the time they were able to notice. But truly, if it wasn't my "krinkles" for them to notice, it would be something else. Because they notice everything. Everything.
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Mine are starting to notice my weight, too, asking more questions than I'm comfortable with answering. Well, my four year old asks the questions. My two year old just pokes me in the belly and laughs. Thanks, kid.
I'm hoping to get rid of most of this weight before they're in elementary school. No one wants to be the "fat mom" in the class.
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Such a well written post, you are so funny! Think about your earliest memory? Were you like 5? and it was probably something spectacular like Disneyland or something memorable. I seriously bet he forgot about this by the time you left the dressing room, like how he asked me the other day "When did Capri start walking?!" LoL, and we were all "Um, like a year ago". I think you are golden. Now IS the best time, and they won't ever remember the krinkles.
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My favorite is when the 3 yr old lifts my shirt, points to my belly and says innocently- Baby? Um no sweetheart, your baby brother is 9 months old!
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I definitely remember my mom's tummy – stretchmarks and appendicitis scar and all (sorry mom) – from when I was my daughter's age. When she was the age I am now she was at her heaviest – as I am now. She tells me it was because there's a lot of focus on the kids and little time to exercise, plus quick sodas and snacks on the go and special "Treats" with the kids. So that's my excuse.
That said, I do show Emma pictures of mommy at various stages of life and am quick to point out how much "healthier" I was and my intention to walk more and eat "sometimes foods" less often…actually only sometimes instead of most of the time. I try very hard to not use the words fat and skinny but instead focus on over all health. I think she's getting it. She asks tons of questions about health, but has never once commented on someone looking fat.
So fingers crossed that she will not only have my neurosis, but will also be healthier. A mom can dream, right?
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My charming middle child once told me I qualified for handicapped status because of my weight…actually he said "because you're fat." Out of the mouthes of babes….
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I LOOOOOVE this. So inspiring. THANK YOU.
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I can relate to this so much. I have had krinkles for a long time. I ended up ordering my bathing suit on-line from JMS on sale for my vacation, which was last week. Only problem was, the first day I wore it, it fell apart! The panties came apart from the netting that connected the top. Thank God a good friend gave me a bathing suit, which I really liked. It is a Delta Burke and made so well. Don't be hard on yourself. You are beautiful and that overshadows the krinkles.
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Wow! I could have written this post. I seriously feel the same way.
My weight consumes my life more than anything including motherhood. It is sad to me.
I don't take pictures and I hate that I am doing that to my children. I just started a weight loss journey as well and it will be great to have someone to follow! :)
Stacie
The Divine Miss Mommy: http://thedivinemissmommy.com
Live, Laugh, Lose – My Weight Loss Journey: http://yovia.com/blogs/livelaughlose
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I bet they notice a beauty you've never known. Watching you learn to embrace it will be the most precious thing for them to witness!
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