Weathering The Storm

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This morning I woke up with a start. My heart racing, I immediately tried to get BACK to sleep to finish the dream I had been having. To try to give it a happy ending. I got halfway there, giving myself a little relief, but then got out of bed to calm down, to stop shaking, and to go hug my family.

The dream that I had was that the world, literally, was closing in on me. I was in some sort of building, and the walls were leaning inward, and out the window I could see only dirt. The Earth was swallowing us up. Windows were cracking, and we were all (my husband, children, and random other people I didn’t know) running around this building trying to figure out how to save ourselves. Have you ever literally ran for your life?

I had the feeling that I had been holding up the walls, but it was too much for me to do alone. And no one would help me. I remember feeling abandoned. Finally, I abandoned the wall, and was running around trying to find my children. Hysterically I called their names, seeing them way up ahead and unable to reach them. That part was the worst.

At some point I had the sense that they were lost, and I needed to just hope someone had grabbed them and go for cover. There was an ambulance in the building (this part is really random, so just go with it), and a bunch of us decided that it was made of steel and was our best chance of survival. I jumped into the ambulance with no where else to go. Inside the ambulance I found two of my three boys, huddled and sobbing. I ran to them.

And this is the part where I woke up for just a moment. Unable to breathe. Feeling the weight of the whole world literally on my chest. This is also when I tried to go back to sleep to give the dream a “happy” ending, and after I slightly drifted off, my husband came running into the ambulance with our baby in arms as another man slammed the ambulance door and sealed it shut. We heard loud noises of metal and concrete crushing and bending, everyone was screaming.

And then I really woke up.

As I told my husband about this dream, we shrugged our shoulders and agreed that it doesn’t take a lot of dream analysis to figure this one out. We DO feel like the world is crashing in on us lately. We DO feel abandoned. We DO feel powerless.

Most of the time when I have these crazy vivid dreams, I try to figure out the lesson. I feel like my dreams have meaning, and it might not always be possible to figure out that meaning, but I like to try.

This dream seemed more of a way to visualize how my heart feels, than a lesson in how to handle it. I know the ways I can handle it, but I don’t feel strong enough to do it. Everything is in chaos.

I know that we will get through this, and maybe that was the lesson. That even though things could not seem more dire, there is always a respite. Always a place to go for safety. A place to weather the storm.

If you need me, that’s where I’ll be.

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July 25, 2008 | Filed Under Randomness

Comments

10 Responses to “Weathering The Storm”

Anissa@Hope4Peyton on July 25th, 2008 2:05 pm

Not that dream, per se, but definitely in the same train of thought. However, I also find that I usually dream the things I hate most to say aloud. Things I try to hold in so I can pretend I have some control over my life.

Here’s to dreams of puppy dogs and candy canes tonight.
4 little men & twins on July 25th, 2008 2:43 pm

Oh… I just want to give you a big hug! I’m so sorry… prayers coming your way! God thinks you are an AWESOME strong woman and he will carry you through.

brittany
flipflopmamma on July 25th, 2008 3:19 pm

Oh, I hate dreams like this. So scary. I have this little trick that I’ve done since I was little. It seems weird, but it really works, and now my hub does it since I told him about it. If I’m having a really bad dream (I used to dream that my mom was abandoning us. ugh) I will just lay down in my dream and go to sleep. I think, I don’t want to be here, I’m going to sleep. Then the dream ends, I wake up in real life, or a different dreams starts. You should try it next time:)
DesignHER Momma on July 25th, 2008 4:44 pm

I have totally had dreams like that too, where you just need to get back to sleep so you can finish it out, with a happy ending. Actually, I have them all too often. What does that mean?
Ashlee - Mama's Nest on July 25th, 2008 6:21 pm

Uh…WOW! I hope you got that out of you sleep system and are able to get some peaceful rest! Our minds are so beautiful in forcing us to reconcile things. Even those terrifying.

I don’t think there is anyway to feel than the things you are, just hope you can keep that safe place in focus.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats on July 25th, 2008 8:52 pm

I know exactly how you feel. It’s only for a season and we’ll get through it.
Elizabeth (M and Ts Mom) on July 26th, 2008 12:20 pm

That is scarey! I’ve had that feeling being awake before too. I would rather dream that then those horrible “mom dreams” where your child is drowning or kidnapped! I can hold up a few walls but I can’t handle not having the babies!!
Mel on July 26th, 2008 2:25 pm

I hate those dreams that feel so real. I often do the same thing trying to go back to sleep and make a happy ending. I’m sorry things are so crazy for you right now. My husband and I have been feeling the same way. Here’s to hoping that we all have some peace soon!!
Guinevere Meadow on July 26th, 2008 3:54 pm

It’s great that you were able to figure out what your dream meant! Most of the time my dreams are just so bizarre and crazy. I think it’s therapeutic when we have dreams that help reveal the way we are feeling, to make sense out of the chaos around us.

Oh, I started a new blog. Too many family members reading me!

gmeadow.blogspot.com

thanks!
Kerri Anne on July 31st, 2008 1:00 pm

I love this. Not the part where you are feeling like the world is closing in on you, but the writing and the honesty. You are lovely. And the world will ease up soon, I promise. (You hear that, world? Or ELSE.)