Through my years of being a mom (my eldest is almost 6 now) my role has continued to evolve and change along with me. When I was in college, I had a difficult time picking a major, because all I wanted to do or be in life (as far as career ambitions go) was a mother. I felt like I was made for the job, and couldn’t wait to begin my new “career”.
Once I was pregnant with my first baby, I did constant research. What kind of birth would we have? What kind of parents would we be like? Would I let him wear little sailor outfits? All of it was extremely important to me.
My husband and I had planned on me being a stay-at-home-mom, so the job I had longed for was finally going to begin. I was ecstatic.
And then I had that first baby. He was more wonderful and more difficult than I had ever prepared for. He was one of a kind, and he took my perfect little Rule Book to be a Perfect Mom I had created for myself, and promptly threw it out the window. Hard.
So my role as a stay-at-home-mom slowly, but surely, turned into a stay-at-home-mom-therapist-psychologist-dietitian-advocate. Autism became a member of the family, and no matter how unwelcome, we had to accept it’s presence in our lives.
I embraced these new roles most days, however on the other days I questioned my own qualifications. How did I know what I was doing? Why didn’t I feel like I was doing a better job? It was all I could do to just accept what is, and what may not ever be, and move forward.
So fast-forward several years, and you have present day. My role has been evolving yet again, and while it’s all for the good, it’s still unexpected and intriguing. I have expanded my role to being a stay-at-home-mom-therapist-psychologist-dietitian-advocate-writer-blogger-work-at-home-mom. I would love to add gardener, baker and urban homesteader to that list, but for now those have to wait.
We all know that most people consider stay-at-home-moms (SAHMs) to be in a different category as work-at-home-moms. We SAHMs often pick up plenty of odd jobs, in addition to our every day battles with the “insurgents” at home, but yet no one changes my category on all those surveys I’m sent. And for me personally, with my many deadlines and writing projects I have spinning, I am still considered a SAHM by most accounts. This is just not accurate anymore, and I don’t think I can say “Work-At-Home-Mom”, because it typically is referring to moms who are in the general (i.e. corporate) work force, but telecommute from home.
So what’s my category on such a survey? Mom At Home That Works But Is Never Really “Staying” Anywhere? A Stay At Home Mom Who Is Only Home When She’s Working? What do you think?
I’m a little partial to Stay At Home Mom-Worker. Because I am “at home”, I’m a mom, and I’m most definitely working. Come to think of it, we are all, ALL those things. Ah, labels. Aren’t they fun?
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Even though I’ve telecommuted in the past, run a successful virtual assistance business and currently work as an affiliate marketer and own several websites…not to mention my blogging and writing…I still call myself a stay-at-home mom.
The reason is that my role as Mom always comes before anything else. I chose home businesses that would be able to work around my family and not the other way around.
So often when people ask what I do I simply say, I’m a stay at home mom. If I feel like delving deeper I’ll get into the work I do also, but often I just leave it at that.
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I’m a SAHM – but I’m also a highly paid IT Consultant when I can work in taking a paying gig. So since the last several W2’s I’ve had say that I’m a Consultant – I say that I’m a Consultant. :)
Usually, the smarter of those forms have “self-employed” on them – when I feel like it, I check that.
But you know, don’t stress out about checking SAHM – those of us who have done it know how much of a job in & of itself that is.
:)
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I used to feel stupid saying anything about the work I do because it’s just too good to be true. I make more from home than some of my friend’s husbands. When people ask, I just say I’m a SAHM. Only my close girlfriends know what I do, because every time they invite me somewhere I have to consider deadlines and daily goals bla bla bla.
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Had this conversation with friends the other day. They want me to be a “work at home mom” because I do work from home. But I argued that I’m also a SAHM, because I’ve been caring for my baby for 2 years without any childcare and working only during her naps and when she goes to bed. So, I identify with a lot of the issues/benefits of being a SAHM, too.
I write, sometimes articles, but mainly for educational companies…so there are regular projects and occasional conference calls and things like that.
I’m a full-time SAHM and a part-time WAHM, I guess.
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OMG. I was going to post about this EXACT thing. I’m linking to this post on Saturday. I feel the SAME way. I don’t know what to call what I’m doing. But to say I’m a “SAHM” just doesn’t seem to be accurate anymore.
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Between keeping 3 kids from the brink of constant disaster, being a full time nurse to my daughter with cancer, all that it takes to maintain a home that won’t be condemned, keeping up my site, working on some writing projects and that “book” everyone’s writing…..the next person who says “oh you don’t work?” might get kicked in the junk!
But all in all, my label of choice would be Freelance Domestic Engineer
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Great post – difficult question to answer, however.
Calling myself a SAHM – even before taking on any writing gigs, 5 years ago – is an oxymoron, really. I spend more time in my car, running errands, than I do at home!
So, I guess it’s safe to say that I am a full-time mom and part-time writer ;o)
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It’s a shift isn’t it? In the past, depending on who’s asking I go back and forth between labeling myself SAHM and self-employed. I am little by little reclaiming the titles that feel most important to me and I think it’s important for us all to use whatever title we feel comfortable with, regardless of others expectations. The hardest part being there is now way any of us can cram all of those important rolls into a couple of words.
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I don’t call myself either and I have a corporate gig that allows me to work from home and a business in addition to my blogging and wordpress installation gig that’s just fun.
However, the term WAHM for me is negative in connotation. It’s not for everyone, but for me, with what’s been talked about on the internet, I just don’t want to be called a WAHM. Don’t do it. My skin will crawl.
You know what you are? You’re the same as me. I’m a goal-oriented Mother. Despite the fact that I do have a corporate gig, I’m not career oriented. I HAVE to work. I don’t have a choice… it’s just me. I just happened to find a career that would allow me to make great money while working from home.
I don’t like labels. I don’t fit any of them. When people ask me what I do, I simply tell them what I do. And then their heads spin.
I am a mother. I work at home. But REGARDLESS of what you do to bring in income, whether it’s a blog, a website, a corporate gig, you are a person… who doesn’t need labels. :D
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Ahhh… I personally think that all SAHM’s sit all day with their fuzzy slipper clad feed up, eating bon bons and watching soaps, right?? I hope everyone knows that is soooo not true!!! That stereotype is hilarious!! People think that just because i am a teacher and get breaks from my “job”, I sit and lounge during my entire break. My “career” is mother(although I prefer “mommy” or “mamma”). Whether you work outside the home, inside the home, etc…we are mothers. That is label enough for anyone. Don’t ya think?
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I hear you!
Especially on the Autism thing.
I am more than the sum of my parts. I am a mum, an employee, and employer, a wife, a sister, an auntie, a friend, a blogger, a cook, a nurse, an advisor, an advocate.
lucky there’s enough of me for ALL those labels!
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I loved this post
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Hear hear to all of the above. I am a work from home mom wishing I could earn some CASH doing this thing called blogging. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy the writing, the process and what I learn on the way.
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You’re writing is getting better and better, I can see your confidence really shining through! I think women tend to shy away from sharing what they do, and owning it. Sometimes its easier and more comfortable to just say SAHM then go into all the other things you do.
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I know the feeling. Having been out to dinner a few times with my husband’s cleint and being asked what I do and getting “the look” I can completely agree.
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Yeah- just what is our category? And I was just thinking this morning about you and wondering if you’re bringing business cards to Blogher for ALL your jobbies… because you have a lot, girl!~
Steph
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The SAHM title has always bugged me. Makes it sound like we’re prisoners, and like all we ever think about is mothering. I’d prefer a title that doesn’t even have that SAH anywhere on it.
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Wow- what an awesome post!
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Personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the term work-at-home-mom… and I hate to break it to you, but I think you’re also a work-at-home-mom by almost all definitions. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to use the term if you don’t like it.
Janice recently started telling people that we’re ‘professional bloggers’. So there you go girl, you’re a ‘professional blogger’!
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You have so much going on – you are SO a work at home mom! I totally agree with Susan – you’re a professional blogger now!
Jane
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I’ve been struggling with this exact subject lately. What am I? I’m having a SAHM/WAHM identity crisis.
And then I try to explain what blog design is to people who have no idea what a blog is. Hmph. That’s a barrel of laughs !
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People really have no idea that being a stay-at-home mom is in fact a HUMONGOUS amount of work!!
Have fun at BlogHer! Maybe in a year or two I’ll join y’all…
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