This Community, This Family

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This week has been incredible. I know everything happens for a reason, and the timing of things is perfect, and so I wondered why in one week, two big bloggers wanted me to guest post on their blogs about my life. Not wondering in a questioning way, just in a curious way. It is more than an honor to be asked, to imagine that these people think my writing worthy of their personal space. But more importantly, I’m thrilled they wanted to know about my life. They asked questions hoping to learn more about what it’s like to be a mom of autism, and I can’t thank them enough.

It’s still surreal to me, that this disorder, these boys and their souls and struggles, are a mystery to others. What is my day to day, never escaping except for a few moments here and there, reality, is completely unknown to most people. So many people still don’t even know what autism is. I am profoundly grateful for these bloggers to allow me to share once more about my life, my boys. Our world.

I am guest posting over at Rocks In My Dryer today. Shannon asked me to write about “what I wish you knew” and it was a cathartic experience for me. I did not realize that the post and the resulting comments would be propping me up so much today. I did not realize I needed them, each and every one of those people–most total strangers, and their kind words, to get me through yet another day or week. Thank you Shannon, again, for the honor.

If you have not yet read my post at I Should Be Folding Laundry, please head over there and read it, or even if you did please head back and read the comments. People are incredible, and I think their humanity and beautiful spirits could bless you today as well.

I so often wonder if writing about my boys is too much, if you all are tired of hearing about it. I don’t know really what is interesting, I only share what is on my heart and what makes up my world. To see the support not only today on these other blogs, but daily from all of you is humbling and awe-inspiring, and truly what this community is all about. Thank you.

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July 3, 2008 | Filed Under Autism, Bloggy Friends, Guest Posting

Comments

27 Responses to “This Community, This Family”

Thomas (GFCF Experience) on July 3rd, 2008 8:34 am

Arianne, your posts are beautiful. You can never write too much about our boys. When I write about my ASD daughter, I often find myself talking only about the positives, so as not to give the wrong impression about her. I appreciate the courage you show in telling the real story and not holding back.

You read the comments to the national media stories surrounding Adam Race, Alex Barton, and others, and you realize just how many people do not understand autism. Blogs like yours are so necessary in this world. You not only touch others with ASD children like myself, but also those without ASD children who happen onto your blog. You are doing a great service to all of us by being so brave and forthright and honest.

So thank you, for all you do.

Thomas
Rachel on July 3rd, 2008 8:44 am

Thank you for sharing your life with us. I think blogging is a community- all of us reaching out for encouragement, wisdom, knowledge.
Dy-Anne on July 3rd, 2008 8:51 am

After reading your post at Rocks today I am hoping that I can give you a small glimmer of hope for the adult lives of your boys.

Now i do understand that within the autism spectrum there are many many levels. My husband’s son is autistic and on most days he’s just a slightly strange 10 year old with speech issues on the not so good days I try my best but just let his father deal with him because I don’t know how. (He lives with his mother so I don’t even remotely have the experience that either of them do with autism, but i am trying to learn).
Here’s where the hope comes in (i hope) My husband after learning about autism and everything that goes with it and talking with his family realizes that most likely he was autistic also. There was of course no actual diagnosis because it was not in the minds of doctors back in the 70’s and 80’s like it is now. But he believes that he was and now he is just like everyone else (despite the ridicuously high IQ and memory to boot). So when you worry about the boys’ future and what it might hold be aware that not everyone turns out like “rainman”. Keep doing what you are doing because you are right — you are those boys’ mother for a reason.
Rocks In My Dryer on July 3rd, 2008 8:57 am

You are a hero. Whether you feel like one or not, you are a hero.
Coco on July 3rd, 2008 9:02 am

I think your openness paves a path for others.

We will never be able to experience your life, but, through your gifted writing, we are allowed to more fully experience our own lives.

I don’t remember who it was that once said, The more detailed, the more universal.”

Thanks for the detailed view of your corner of the sky! It’s beautiful!

Thanks for sharing the details!
Katy Lin on July 3rd, 2008 9:37 am

I am so glad that you share your life with us. I just found you through Rocks in My Dryer, but your heart and your compassion have been a huge encouragement to me today! Thank you!
LauraTheMum on July 3rd, 2008 10:13 am

it’s because you are talented, amazing, and beautiful, as a writer, and more importantly, as a mom & a human being.

the net hearts arianne!
Marie Wettlaufer on July 3rd, 2008 11:49 am

We have a grandson who was born 7 yrs ago and exhibits some autistic tendencies. He also is considered non-verbal although he does say a few words that his family can understand. Just yesterday he received a very expensive machine to use to help him speak…we are very excited about it. We have experienced what you talked abt in your post at “Rocks”,when other children stare at him when he makes some sounds and movements that they don’t understand. He’s not included very often in the activities of other 7 yr olds and it’s a shame cause they’re missing out on a very special, vey smart little boy…..and that’s not just his nana talking!
Anissa @ Hope4Peyton on July 3rd, 2008 1:18 pm

Take it from one that posts almost nonstop about the effects of childhood cancer on every part of our lives, keep doing what you’re doing! People that live outside of your box don’t realize that the medical conditions aren’t kept in a tidy area that you can take out when it’s convenient. It bleeds over into every single aspect and that’s just how it is. You are so sincere and you open the eyes of those who are blessed to not have autism in their world.

Keep on keeping on, Arianne! Now I’m going to go over and read your posts on those two site.

–Anissa
LifeatTheCircus on July 3rd, 2008 1:55 pm

I read your post on Rocks in my Dryer. It was beautifully written. I appreciate your openness and honesty with all of us. After reading it, I so wanted to invite you over for a play date with my kids. Or to invite ourselves over to your house if it was easier. I will look for people in my community who could use some understanding and reach out to them.
Jackie on July 3rd, 2008 3:15 pm

Read you over at Rocks in my Dryer. My 14 year son is on the spectrum. I only have one on the spectrum thou both can be challenging. Good read.
Mel on July 3rd, 2008 6:34 pm

That is a beautiful picture! I enjoy reading your posts from the heart. I find the best blogs are those that are written from the heart about real things rather than just fluff. You are an amazing mom and I enjoy learning more about you and how you deal with such a challenging situation. Keep on blogging what makes you happy!!
Roxanne Kristina on July 3rd, 2008 7:16 pm

…fairly new blogger… God already directing relationships… had good fortune of speaking with kristi applesauce today (not sure if you’re familiar, but my point is I am glad to have met you too via Rocks in my dryer)… great, great blog!!!… here’s my recent post on the missionary if interested:

http://sharingnotes.blogspot.com/2008/07/its-quiet-details-in-childhood-that.html

Blessings,
Roxanne Kristina
http://www.sharingnotes.blogspot.com
gail @ challenges & adventures on July 5th, 2008 7:36 pm

just found your blog thru rocks in my dryer. your post on what you and your hubby go thru with your autistic boys was so authentic. i often wonder how much i should share about my son’s disabilities on my blog. thank you for being brave. yes, we/they need to know …
Elizabeth on July 6th, 2008 1:27 pm

I loved your guest post. My oldest son has autism and it’s both a joy and a struggle. I find a lot of comfort reading about other autism journeys. Thank you for your post. I loved it.
casual friday everyday on July 6th, 2008 6:45 pm

Your posts are always so real, so open and insightful.
Audrey - Mom Generations on July 6th, 2008 7:05 pm

Arianne,

You are a beautiful writer. I love your blogs. And your guest spots were amazing. I love reading about you, your family. You are an inspiration. Thank YOU for letting us all in.

Best,
Audrey
Beverly Atkins on July 7th, 2008 9:47 am

I clicked on a link from Hope4Peyton to look at your website. I have no direct experience with autism but, frankly, I could not even imagine how you coped with your 3 precious boys. Unexpectely, I found something I wasn’t looking for. A little peace. I have a 36 year old daughter who has problems and will never be what I dreamed or hoped for her life to be. Not that she’s less than wonderful, just less than a mother’s heart wanted. I found comfort in knowing how much you love your sons and how you’d like for people to see them for the precious angels they are. I guess that’s where I found the common thread. I find myself wanting to keep Jennifer away from staring eyes and hurtful looks. Things she does not see as she finds joy in everything she does and is. Not long ago I read the book The Present and it helped me ‘be happy in the moment’. I found my heart hurt so much but Jennifer was happy so I decided I was going to be happy too. It may take more effort on my part but loving my daughter is easy, being happy takes work, but work worth every minute of doing.

Sorry it’s so long! I admire you and respect your dreams, wishes and desires for your boys. I plan to check your journey and read about your happiness and joy and know it is what you all deserve!
Rhonda (Mimi) on July 7th, 2008 11:00 am

I nominate you for mother of the year! You are an amazing mother. I love this picture. He looks just like your hubby. I almost went to the beach last night and now seeing this makes me want to go more.
Mama C-ta on July 7th, 2008 9:03 pm

I’m not surprised anyone would choose you, off to read some more wonderful writing that I’m sure will bring yet more tears to my eyes!
Mozi Esme's Mommy on July 8th, 2008 10:24 am

You can’t write too much about your boys! I love reading personal stories - knowing what is happening in your life - and kids are always fun to read about!
Karen Putz / DeafMom on July 8th, 2008 2:46 pm

I came over here from the Chicago Moms Blog– I’m really enjoying your writing and the sharing that you do!
blackbelt on July 9th, 2008 6:29 pm

Hi. I have many friends who have children on the Spectrum, or thought they were but turned out to be something else. My son seems to be verging on Asperger’s. Anyway, I was wondering if have shared, or will share what interventions you are doing. Bio-Med? Neruo-Reorg?

Thanks.
Sue J on July 11th, 2008 8:04 am

With so many sites dedicated to talking about the causes, treatments, “sides” of the autism “issue,” it is so important that those who are in the trenches of the spectrum speak to the truth–from the heart!

You MUST keep writing so that we all can see that there are shoes that need to be stepped into and walked in–and, frankly, even us parents don’t get close to what is really happening with our children. That is the struggle we need to share and be open about. We are doing what God enables us, but, ultimately, He is the one who works in us all, and especially in our special kids!

Thank you for your guest commenting in Rocks in my Dryer.
Happy Birthday to me! :: hippie dippie bébé on July 12th, 2008 1:49 pm

[...] in my thoughts are my new encounters with virtual communities of mamas. Posts like This Community, This Family from To Think is to Create, and MomGrind’s post on online friendships inspire me to continue [...]
blackbelt on July 12th, 2008 8:24 pm

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080710/wl_mideast_afp/healthautismmideastus_080710183351

Have you read this article? Researchers may have found the block of dna that affects autism.
BK on July 15th, 2008 10:30 pm

Kirtsy, I certainly believe that your stories are inspiration to many parents and they helped many to understand the situation. I have a friend who is a single mom with a special child and through her stories she shared with me, I understand better what parents with special children are going through and what their children may be going through. Special children have dreams too. Recently, her son graduated and moved on to grade one. She told me it was her son’s wish to be promoted to grade one and she is so proud of him. Although her son has challenges in moving, or standing too long or talking, she told me he always works harder than anyone.

Recently, she told me that her son is sad because children in the new school are teasing him and laughing at him but he continues to pray for these children and for all bad things to go away. How could a child like him knows so much about forgiving and compassion.

Reading your stories reminds me of how my friend loves her son unconditionally. You are an inspiration to us.

If you like, you can also follow the link above to read about my friend’s story. More power to you and I wish goodness in every aspects of your life.