Too Bad I Don’t Like To Talk
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Well I’ve been a run around sue today. Why, you ask? Thanks for asking! Here’s why:
I’m questioning the safety of CFL bulbs over at Mama Speaks today.
I’m talking about how important the Mom Vote is in this year’s election at Chicago Moms Blog.
And I’m still talking about the Green Our Vaccines rally at my other blog, Stop Looking At Me, with video and canaries! Sorta-ish.
Too bad I don’t like to talk AND don’t have any opinions, right?
Getting To Know You
All too often I notice myself sitting still in the same place in life. It might be a place of resistance against things to come, like me thinking if I put off a phone call or put off opening the mail, the inevitable won’t really happen this time (can’t someone stop the bills from coming each month?). Or it could be just not realizing that changes have happened around me, and needing to notice them and embrace this new season of life.
Tonight as I went through my son’s book bag from school I realized that I’ve been in the same place with him, too, for far too long.
In my head he’s this little kid who needs me for every step he takes in his world. And in my head he needs me to tell him what to play with, to break down every transition enough so that he doesn’t get freaked out, and to give him deep pressure massage every night to help with sensory issues.
But the reality is that he’s growing up–almost 6 now–and is getting better, has his own desires, is making his own decisions and is moving forward without mom holding his hand at every step of the way.
In the book bag I noticed, in a tiny pocket that is meant for a cell phone, that he had folded up a picture until it was small enough to fit perfectly into the pocket. I smiled as I imagined him scouting out the pocket and preparing the picture for it’s new tiny home, folding each crease carefully. So methodically. In another small pocket I noticed a portion of a rock. It looked like it was broken, maybe even as if it was fossilized. It was deep in this pocket, zipped up and likely had been forgotten about. Later on, he would tell me that it was a crystal from school, and he wanted it to stay in that pocket forever.
It struck me so powerfully that this little person would have ideas like “this rock is cool and I want to take it home”. That one minute kids are the tiniest of humans, relying on us for every idea, every whim, and the next they are plucking one single rock off the ground and bringing it home as a keepsake, not even thinking of mentioning it to their mom. Simply relying on the fact that it’s *their* rock, and keeping the secret to themselves.
Now as I look back, and realize that no longer does he need me as often for transitions, for deep pressure or for ideas about what to play with…I am thrilled at what the future will bring. While it feels bittersweet to be needed less and less, I also know that means that huge new discoveries are around the corner, and independence is that much closer. I am excited to get to know this new, improved, and independent boy, and hope next time he has a secret crystal he will ask me to hold it for him.
Happy Dad’s Day: You Know You Rock
Today is a special day, and even though our family will be celebrating on a day when my own dad is back in town, I still want to take today to thank my dad, and my children’s dad (who I happen to also have been married to for 10 years), for being who they are. For being amazing examples of padres fantasticos (shout out to my husband’s lonely Spanish degree, that sits in a box somewhere and will never be used).
The Age of Autism posted a perfect tribute, that says exactly how I feel, and which I dedicate to my husband and my dad:
To the Grandfathers who donate their time and money and knowledge to help their grandchildren…
…To the men who hold onto their child during a meltdown - while Mom grabs the activated charcoal. To the men who miss T-ball and soccer practices, instead going to speech therapy and social skills groups
Read more at the link, and also don’t miss the awesome comments. They also posted this very moving ad from National Autism Association, spreading the idea of recovery from autism so well:
Also, my sister posted about my dad, completely perfect I can’t possibly follow it, so you might as well just go read her post and know that I mean every word of it as well.
Happy father’s day to you all, and thanks to my dad and my husband for being amazingly patient and kind and wise and cheesy. Carni’s rule.
Applesauce
Just had this….”conversation”, if you will, with my 3 year old son:
Him: “What do I look like?”
Me: “What?”
Him: “What do I look like?!”
Me: “Like a boy.”
Him: “What is that?”
Me: “Huh? Ok, what are we talking about here?”
Him: “Applesauce.”
Me: “Um…ok.”
Him: “That’s what I thought.”
Fifty Things I Like About Myself
Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that yesterday was a hard day for me. Well, I got it all out at my other blog (please go and read all about it here), and so I figured I’d keep myself focused on the positive today here at Chez To Think.
I saw Deb twitter this post, and was intrigued. Could I really think of 50 things I liked about myself? It’s certainly a daunting task judging by how difficult life has been for me lately. I decided that forcing myself to write this post may just possibly smack me out of The Wallowing, and that can only be a good thing. So, without further adieu…
Fifty Things I Like About Myself
1. I can express myself well through writing.
2. I’m tech savvy.
3. I have a wicked sense of humor.
4. It is utterly impossible for me to be fake.
5. I walk to the beat of a different drummer.
6. That beat is most likely coming from an indie rock band.
7. I’m opened minded.
8. So I have no problem questioning my own beliefs, thereby making them stronger.
9. I love the 80’s. Music. Colors. Jazz hands. But not shoulder pads.
10. I care about the Earth, and preserving it the best we can.
11. I do not ever give up when it comes to recovering my kids from autism.
12. I am passionate.
13. This passion sometimes ruffles feathers.
14. I am creative.
15. I love to paint on canvas.
16. I love to take pictures.
17. I am a really good friend.
18. I can make people laugh pretty easily.
19. I am dorky.
20. I am curvy.
21. I don’t like gossip.
22. Especially among church people.
23. I have weird hair.
24. I think it’s fun to have weird hair.
25. I have given birth at home twice.
26. I am a hard worker.
27. When I want to be.
28. I don’t mind admitting my faults.
29. I love easily.
30. I am forgiving.
31. I have a good sense of style.
32. I hate laundry.
33. And cleaning floors.
34. I have a crazy strong intuition.
35. Which means I am a little freakish.
36. I fly my freak flag proudly.
37. I love wine and cheese.
38. I have blue gray eyes.
39. My Lego Indiana Jones playing skills are legen. dary.
40. I have three gorgeous children.
41. They get their tenacity from me.
42. I am compassionate.
43. I love to dance.
44. I have rythm.
45. And some moves.
46. I know when to keep those moves to myself.
47. I have a gorgeous husband.
48. I have a strong faith in God.
49. I know He is all I need.
50. I know me.
Want to try this experiment? It’s harder than you think. I’d love to see your 50 things. If you participate, please leave your link in the comments here on this post, so we can all come visit you and your blog and laugh and cry along with you.
10 Reasons Why
**Apologies to my feed readers for inundating you with a billion Flickr pics, I had no idea that would happen! Problem. Fixed.**
Last Friday was a big day for my hubs and I…our 10 year wedding anniversary! We celebrated by falling asleep early in someone else’s bed (one of the kids’). Yes, we are *that* exciting, don’t you wish you were us.
I was inspired by Beth (and a post she linked to that I cannot find!) to post a pic and a “reason why” for each year we’ve been married, in honor of our blessed union amen. You’re about to get a whole lotta Jacob, so hang on to your hat…
1. He loved me even when I was pasty white (worse than now) and looked like I was 13 (probably because he did too).
2. He didn’t mind when my dad and brother made him pose like Spiderman, WITH Spiderman.
3. He jumped into fatherhood with both feet, never realizing the highs and lows that lie ahead.
4. He took me to the ocean and west coast living, which made me realize I’m a beach bum at heart.
5. He’s the perfect father, knowing exactly what his boys need.
6. And loves me through the hard times, as we watch our special needs boys grow and struggle and learn to navigate their world.
7. He made Italy an amazing getaway, showing me one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
8. And he rocks at falling asleep on command (or just any time he sits still).
9. He’s still the hawtest thing around…
Oh no, how did that pic get in here? Whoops…
10. And he puts up with all my shenanigans and thinks I’m the fun-est and funniest person on the Earth.
Love you hun.
P.S. Here’s a pic to make up for the rogue Johnny Depp appearance…who loves you baby…
Green Our Vaccines: The Epilogue
We went. We saw. We marched.
We were surrounded by parents and relatives who I was not only honored to stand shoulder to shoulder with, but was humbled to hear their personal stories as well. Stories of grief, loss, perseverance and hope. Stories of how vaccines had injured, or in some cases killed, their precious children. On Wednesday, 8,500 people (and the thousands they represent) had their voices heard.
As we approached the place where all the marchers were gathering, at the magnificent Washington Monument, I couldn’t help but feel a plethora of emotions welling up within me. We could see people far away walking in the same direction we were heading, wearing the same green shirts. Ahead we could see the groundswell of the crowd gathering, lining up and growing larger by the second. Couples (like us), grandparents, even entire families had traveled so far to be there on that day. Traveled to make a statement, to stand shoulder to shoulder, to turn the tide of what is happening with vaccines today in America and create change.
Before long we started walking the walk. Slowly but surely, we headed down Independence Ave., proudly holding up our signs and pictures as we walked by each intersection and the hundreds of cars who had to stop and wait for our entire parade to pass by. Most stared, some honked. No one heckled or booed. How could they? The signs spoke for themselves.
We were energized but solemn. Each and every one of us would have given anything to not be there. To not ever have heard of autism or vaccine injury. To not had our children disabled. To have never needed a rally to get the government to pay attention to the epidemic they are enabling.
But we were, and we have, and they are, and we did.
And as our pace slowed down a bit while we passed the Health and Human Services building (parents of the CDC), we raised our voices a little bit louder and wondered if they were watching the mass of people below them from their cushy office chairs above. Were they wondering what we were doing and saying? Did they notice the faces of the people they are continuing to ignore? People who are “weak” and have no purpose except to fulfill their “unfit” destiny in this “survival of the fittest” mentality? I doubt they could be bothered. But I hope they were. I hope they were very bothered, indeed.
Finally as the entire group made it’s way to the mall area of the Capital, we were handed water and gathered around a small stage that had been set up across from a large platform full of the press corp. Cameras galore, we started to get excited thinking that this rally was actually going to get the coverage it deserved. Most of us realized that with the Obama/Clinton situation going on that it would be hard to be seen, but we remained optimistic.
First Dr Jay Gordon spoke (famous pediatrician, and doctor to Jenny McCarthy’s son Evan), and talked about how proud he was of all of us, and pointed out the thousands that would never be able to be at a rally like this, due to the extensive amounts of money they have to pay for their child’s treatment and thus lack of any funds to travel. Next Dr Boyd Haley (I might be out of order with a few of these guys, so my apologies if that’s the case), renowned scientist and expert on mercury, came up to the podium and reminded us all that science is on our side but no one will read it. He reprimanded the press for their continued refusal to cover the story in an objective way (i.e., nothing but regurgitating flawed CDC information). I’m told that many videos from the rally ended when Dr Haley said “you members of the press are a big part of the problem”, even though the rally went on another hour. Apparently the mainstream press don’t like to be called on their shizzle.
After Dr Haley was Dr Jerry Kartzinel, the doctor that has treated Evan and countless others, and recovered them from autism. He said that he himself injected his son with MMR and watched him slowly slip away in the days and weeks following. He said that his wife told him, “You broke him, now you fix him!”, and he is.
Next we heard RFK Jr speak intelligently and passionately, and I have to say he was one of the most inspiring and compelling speakers I’ve ever heard. Here’s an excerpt of what he had to say:
DC Rally: RFK Jr.–The Press from To Think Is To Create on Vimeo.
Next came Jim Carrey who was my favorite of the day. He had so many incredible things to share, I wish I could just type out every word here. Suffice to say I totally love the guy. Here’s a clip:
DC Rally: Jim Carrey–Their Purpose from To Think Is To Create on Vimeo.
And finally Jenny spoke. She has a very charismatic and down to Earth way about her, that we love from seeing her speak (and meeting her in person) at the Autism One conference. She had awesome stuff to say (and I will share more clips later) but the most moving part of her speech was actually when she was not talking at all. She had each of us hold up a picture of our affected children (some people held up pictures for families that could not be there) and asked us to hold them all facing the press while she played a song. It was by far the most difficult part of the rally to get through, and I had a hard time comprehending every one of those pictures. Thankfully my husband got it on video:
DC Rally:Jenny McCarthy–Change Is Coming from To Think Is To Create on Vimeo.
I’m not sure if you can feel the energy in that video, but I know it does not do that moment justice. You can’t see the thousands of people or most of the pictures because we were way on the side in the back, but you can get an idea of what happened. It was life changing. Truly.
After that the rally ended, and we all dispersed. Hugs, exchanging information, taking a few last pictures. Some people went to a meet and greet with Jenny and Jim, others met with people from their State and went to meetings with the legislators to talk about the most pressing issues in vaccines, research and laws.
I have more to tell you, specifically the AFTERMATH, which not only includes abysmal and biased press coverage, but torrential rain and tornados (apparently I took one with me in my pocket when I left the Midwest).
So for now, enjoy the videos and feel free to ask any questions. Also, if you come across any news coverage, I’m happy to post them here, so email them to me or leave the link in the comments. I won’t link anything that pretends to be about the rally but is actually about how TOTALLY AWESOME AND SAFE vaccines are. Good luck finding something like that.
Thanks so very very much to my readers, my friends, my twitter followers and my family (for taming the wild beasts back home so we could do this). You all supporting us and cheering us on is what kept us going that day and every day. I adore you and love you and would totally spoon you if you were here. Peace.
**Here’s a link to press pics of the event. Great shots of the speakers.
**Flickr pool for Green Our Vaccines Rally
Something To Cleanse The Palate
While I work on adjusting to re-entry into our house-o-crazies, and pour through the pictures and video we captured, hopefully your appetite be satiated with a little slide show. This was made by Wendy Fournier, President of the National Autism Association.
I will tell you all more about it very soon. Because let’s be honest, you won’t get the real story through the press (even though there were tons there). The drug companies don’t pay me or advertise on my tv network newspaper magazine blog, so I will be back soon to tell you what REALLY happened.
Louder Than Words
Here we go. Today is our moment. While I am at the rally today getting my “right to assembly” on, I’m guest posting over at Looking Towards Heaven, talking about my kids and their incredible ability to make everything clear.
More later, friends.
The Needle And The Damage Done: A Guest Post By Adventures In Babywearing
**While I’m on my way to D.C. for the rally, please enjoy and give comment love to this guest post from Stephanie at Adventures in Babywearing.**
I remember many years ago when my middle son Carter was just a baby, a friend at church had told me she didn’t vaccinate her kids. She didn’t say why, and I’m not even sure why it was even brought up, but I remember feeling a little appalled. And I asked our pediatrician about it right away. I had never heard of not vaccinating. I didn’t know there was an option. And the doctor assured me in some way that what my friend was doing was wrong, and what I was doing was right. And I never thought about it again.
Until Carter had a horrible reaction after his 1 year shots. He was listless and vomiting and very sick. I asked the doctor if it could be from his vaccinations, since he had just had them that day, and I was assured that it most certainly was not. And I didn’t think about it again.
Months later our oldest son Noah began having unexplained seizures. It was a time where nothing made sense. Nothing. Not the seizures. Not what the doctors were suggesting or not suggesting. Not having our phone calls returned. Not having help. Not having answers. Not having a cure.
We had done a little research on our own, with little bits here and there feeding us just enough to survive. We had one son with seizures and no explanation and had no idea if it would happen to Carter. We found that if there was a seizure history in the family, that a child could be more susceptible to seizures with a vaccination. So right then we decided to pause vaccinations on both boys until we knew more.
Slowly, as we were still searching for answers to Noah’s increasing seizures- over 200 per day and now requiring him to wear a helmet- we found other families like us. With children having the same problems. The same strange seizures and symptoms. A common factor in all of our stories was vaccinations and time of vaccination. We gathered all of Noah’s vaccine records and found that some of his vaccines were manufactured back in 1999- before thimerosal was removed. We calculated how much mercury exposure he must have gotten and it was extremely high. 50 times as much as declared safe with the FDA.
Another parent with a child like Noah recommended David Kirby’s book Evidence Of Harm. I checked it out from the library and remember reading in shock, through tears, stories like ours. And I never ever thought about vaccinations in the same way again. I felt betrayed. I felt ashamed. Like I should have known better. But I had no idea. No one had ever talked to me about the possible dangers. I thought I was doing what was best for my child, but never once thought to research it on my own.
Thankfully my husband was on the exact same page as I was. This led us to much more research. If we weren’t going to vaccinate, what were our options? What happens if our child gets the measles? Could they go to school? We wanted to be armed with all the information we could find. It took a bit of re-training our minds to stop thinking we had to “obey” what the doctors said and we soon found how liberating it was to go out on our own and think for ourselves.
We switched to a pediatrician that would support our choice to not vaccinate. We continue to stay up to date on all the latest facts and studies about vaccinations and not just about the dangers of mercury, but the other harmful ingredients as well. We know myths from facts. It is not a decision we made lightly or out of fear. It is one of the most important decisions you may make for your children. We feel what we are doing is right for our family.
A helpful resource that we still turn to is Dr. Sherry Tenpenny’s DVD- Vaccines: The Risks, The Benefits, The Choices. This DVD has assured us what would realistically happen if we or our child were to get a certain disease and how to treat it. If you want to selectively vaccinate, this is also very helpful in deciding which vaccines are not necessary.
Of course after all the experience and knowledge we now have, I do not feel any vaccine is necessary. Even if a vaccine was all “greened up” and toxin free, I’d still not choose to vaccinate my child. But, for every child that will still be vaccinated, they deserve to have a toxin-free vaccination. Green those vaccines!
If you feel vaccinations are best for your child, then please consider delaying until your child is older, separating them, or selectively vaccinating. At least be armed with all the facts and base your decision on your own research. Asking your doctor simply is not enough. I learned that the hard way. Whatever you decide, do not choose this controversial topic to be the one you to which you say, “Ignorance is bliss.”
If you have questions about your state’s laws and attending school, you can find more information here.
Read more about what Stephanie has said in the past about vaccines here and Noah’s story here at Adventures In Babywearing. And read Ashlee’s story here at Mama’s Nest.
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