Getting To Know You
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All too often I notice myself sitting still in the same place in life. It might be a place of resistance against things to come, like me thinking if I put off a phone call or put off opening the mail, the inevitable won’t really happen this time (can’t someone stop the bills from coming each month?). Or it could be just not realizing that changes have happened around me, and needing to notice them and embrace this new season of life.
Tonight as I went through my son’s book bag from school I realized that I’ve been in the same place with him, too, for far too long.
In my head he’s this little kid who needs me for every step he takes in his world. And in my head he needs me to tell him what to play with, to break down every transition enough so that he doesn’t get freaked out, and to give him deep pressure massage every night to help with sensory issues.
But the reality is that he’s growing up–almost 6 now–and is getting better, has his own desires, is making his own decisions and is moving forward without mom holding his hand at every step of the way.
In the book bag I noticed, in a tiny pocket that is meant for a cell phone, that he had folded up a picture until it was small enough to fit perfectly into the pocket. I smiled as I imagined him scouting out the pocket and preparing the picture for it’s new tiny home, folding each crease carefully. So methodically. In another small pocket I noticed a portion of a rock. It looked like it was broken, maybe even as if it was fossilized. It was deep in this pocket, zipped up and likely had been forgotten about. Later on, he would tell me that it was a crystal from school, and he wanted it to stay in that pocket forever.
It struck me so powerfully that this little person would have ideas like “this rock is cool and I want to take it home”. That one minute kids are the tiniest of humans, relying on us for every idea, every whim, and the next they are plucking one single rock off the ground and bringing it home as a keepsake, not even thinking of mentioning it to their mom. Simply relying on the fact that it’s *their* rock, and keeping the secret to themselves.
Now as I look back, and realize that no longer does he need me as often for transitions, for deep pressure or for ideas about what to play with…I am thrilled at what the future will bring. While it feels bittersweet to be needed less and less, I also know that means that huge new discoveries are around the corner, and independence is that much closer. I am excited to get to know this new, improved, and independent boy, and hope next time he has a secret crystal he will ask me to hold it for him.
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11 Responses to “Getting To Know You”
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They are little people, too, with dreams and imaginations that we will never know. Amazing we at least get to have a little peek once in a while.
Steph
That is an incredibly moving message, a wonderful bit of writing.
This is beautiful! It’s amazing isn’t it? These little people of ours.. I think all too often we forget that they are utterly their own, with their own ideas, own purpose, own motivation. We can guide them, but goodness it’s all them!
Aw that is lovely…
The new worries and concerns that come home from school with my leave me feeling so helpless..knowing he is out there and having to figure it out for himself…but then I feel my job is to make sure he always knows I am there to talk about it and just for hugs.
This is a sweet and touching post.
I know what you mean! I blogged about the same thing today. Kids grow up right before our eyes and one day, we actually realize it. ang
Aw, Arianne. That post was beautiful.
First of all- Great Post. Great.
Second- Total guilt trip for everytime I’ve told my son that he could not bring ANOTHER rock into the car, or to stop brining acorns into the house. Thanks for that. Just what I needed right before I head off to bed. ; )
Let me wipe my tears away…beautiful. Right now, my little one if playing. By herself. In her room. I can hear her. You’d think she had a room full of playmates up there. She needs this time to herself, to grow, to learn, to just play. It makes me just a little bit sad that she really doesn’t need me as much though.
This is such a sweet picture. I have these feelings often and my oldest is 3!
No matter what, though, you will always be his Mama!
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What a great post. I am heading over to read you other guest post but I want to say thank you.
I was a little cranky with Gabby today. She’s 5 and at camp. She’s getting so big that I’m holding on to her too tight. She’s starting to resent it and is getting cranky back with me. Which I don’t like and I tell her. Poor thing she’s just growing up. I need to redefine what it is to be her mom and then learn how to help her but also let her make some of her own decisions.
Ok off to go read- I only have 5 more minutes until my next patient comes in