Lately I’ve been discombobulated, but I think that the re-bobulation has commenced, and I don’t feel so out of body and wondering when the next shoe will drop. I wish that meant that I’m doing better, but the truth is my heart is so heavy. I feel as though I read story (scroll down for that story) after story of loss and grief and turn into a hot mess that can barely function each day. Like a deer in headlights, I stare out the window trying to get my brain around all that is happening in this world. We have our share of struggles around here, and I know this is where my heavy heart is originating from. My barely-scraping-by takes me out at the knees and my coping skills are almost non-existent. It makes these sad stories even stronger in my heart than normal. The sadness others experience is suffocating to me, and I’ve not even the person going through what they’re all going through. Is it possible for empathy to be crippling?
Maybe you are reading this and saying, “doood. stop reading sad stories!“, and honestly I wish I could. But until the day that we finally decide to go off grid and embrace the Amish lifestyle, there’s no escaping the sorrow that is happening every day, all around us. Maybe it’s the tortured artist part of my soul that can’t look away or stop thinking about these things, but I can’t tell if the sad stories have me feeling like a puddle of mush, or if I’m just such a hot mess that I’m gravitating towards people that feed my heavy heart.
Sometimes I feel as though I can sense every inch of my aching brain, like I’m aware of the curves and turns and wish it would just go numb a little. My heart is at such a heightened state of sensitivity, that when my child is having a hard day I almost feel like the sad energy has my whole body reverberating with the hardship of it. And the anticipation of it getting worse. And worse.
I read my own words, here, and even I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s not like great things aren’t happening in my life, they are raining down. And that’s what I want to be thinking about, focusing on.
Getting this out in words, no matter how esoteric and nonsensical to 90% of you, does help. I’m still a hot mess, but at least I’m no longer discombobulated. That made me itch.
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There is so much sadness in this world and easy to get bogged down by it all. I try to overcome the feelings of depression by praising God for all His goodness even through the ugliness and by asking Him how He wants me to respond. If the feelings are debilitating, than that can do more harm than good. Blessing to you. You are sweet hearted and precious
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Do you get like that when you’re in the presence of someone who is sad or depressed or stressed out? Try looking up information about a book called “The Highly Sensitive Person”.
I hate to admit it but I avoid those stories. I catch bits and pieces when other people mention it but I don’t seek it out or read/watch for details. Its just too much. I just bury my head in the sand if there’s nothing I can do about it.
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I still can’t get over thinking a hot mess is hot.
And let it out. Just let it out. And stop reading those sad stories, if you can. I cried enough today over them for everyone.
Steph
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We are so much alike. I do the same thing… and then I’m so affected by the sadness that I can hardly handle it.
We may be a mess, but at least we’re hot, right? RIGHT?
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i feel very much the same… took roo to playgroup today and heard of two homicides that affected us, peripherally. so much loss and sadness. all we can do is try to focus on the positive.
like free shoes. no matter how insipid that sounds!
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That’s what blogging is for…getting it all out. I hope it made you feel better. And remember that no matter how awful we may feelone day, there are better days ahead….we just have to hang in there for them. (((((HUGS))))
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I’m thinking about you girl!! And definitely use blogging for what it’s for… being honest and open. I think it is very special and wonderful how compassionate you are. I feel so happy that I have gotten to know you through this thing called BLOG WORLD!! :)
xoxo,
Audrey
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I read this and I am torn. I am sad that you feel sad, but I don’t want you to stop reading my blog.
And I feel selfish for saying this, but don’t stop. Okay?
I love that you were able to express what you are feeling on your blog – it makes a big difference doesn’t it?. Just remember that you are loved by many. Including me.
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As I read blogs like that, I shed tears and am reminded to be very grateful for what I have and to take the time to appreciate it. My life is very simple compared to others and I should not take that for granted.
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Wow. You know, I envy that you could put that all into words. I try to express myself like that and I get called depressed – and I am not. I mean, it does depress me but I am naturally drawn to people and events like that. I want to help, I want to soothe, and I want to comfort. Those stories are incredible and have touch my heart. Wow. Now I must go and wipe my tears and say a few more prayer while I cry for them. My heart goes out to to everyone of them and you too.
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