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Just Focus

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I realized something today…I can’t do everything by myself. Now this is probably a major DUH moment to a lot of you, and still others of you may have no idea what I’m talking about (“Whatever do you mean, woman? I do everything by myself and I’m darn proud of it.“)

Among other things, I’ve been struggling a bit with keeping up my house (not a new problem for me) and lack of sleep has been a big part of it. I can blame my thyroid or blame the baby’s wacky hours, but the bottom line is that I’m an insomniac. I try to go to bed, but I lay there with my eyes open. Some nights I just can’t turn my brain off, others I’m profoundly sleepy and still. just. lay there. I know a lot of people with sleeping problems, many of them thyroid related, and they are on medication to help them sleep. I am breastfeeding, and just don’t want to go there until I have to. I’ve tried natural remedies, staying up all night to be really tired the next night (still didn’t work). I started to think that things would just be like this for a while. Until they aren’t. But when will that be?

So today, the epiphany came. I was thinking about how I wish I had more energy, I wish that my brain wasn’t so sleepy and foggy all the time. I was asking God why does it have to be this way? Is this just the thorn in my side that will always be there? But then I realized…I’ve been going about this the wrong way. I’ve been trying to “treat” this problem myself, and asking God why that hasn’t been working. It’s almost like I thought God had bigger problems to deal with.

What I realized is that God is BIGGER than my sleep issues. He can make them go away at the snap of a finger. I know…DUH, right? But taking time to lean on Him for these “small” things is ok, and will likely change my daily existence in a big way.

So here’s the crux of it…what am I focusing on? Am I focusing on “being better”? On trying to “get better”? Or am I focusing on God and letting Him be in control? It’s so easy for our focus to shift and sway with each turn in the roller coaster that is our life. Focusing on the right things, the positive things, can lead to so much more fulfillment and happiness than we realize. Where is your focus?

April 16, 2008 | Filed Under Myself and I | 9 Comments

Totally Random But Just Go With It

I got an email today with an ad for a clothing store. Not a totally bad ad, the shirts look cute. In fact, I want that girls hair. The guy is emo, blah blah, whatever. It’s great. However, upon further analysis….

A sparkly belt? Seriously? What is up with the belt, people? Is this the new bad boy thing? Be bad by stealing your sister’s belt?

I think I am officially getting old, if this is what the “kids” are doing now…

April 15, 2008 | Filed Under Randomness | 9 Comments

Mama Speaks: Looking For A Rock Star

Do you think you have mad writing skillz? Think you want to write about causes that are dear to your heart? Think you want to write about cool products?

Mama Speaks is looking for a new contributor, so come read about the responsibilities and give it your best shot. It’s an open call for mamas, baby. And not only would it be fun and fulfilling, and not only would you get to work with me, but you’d get to work with some other really awesome women, too.

April 15, 2008 | Filed Under Mama Speaks | 2 Comments

Best Shot Monday: Tiny Profile

Finally warm enough to sit on the grass. He wasn’t sure what to do once he got there, but at least he was prepared. No one should go outside without a spoon. No one.

For more best shots (and they really are BEST), go here.

April 14, 2008 | Filed Under Best Shot Monday | 16 Comments

Trials Bring Hope

Last night as my 3yo woke up yet again from an itchy, bleeding, eczema back, I did my usual routine of putting cream on him and attempting to calm him down. As I was gently rubbing in the cream, massaging his back, and talking him down from the cliff of agony, I could feel his body relax.

I got him snuggled back into his bed and under the covers and kissed him goodnight, telling him that I had to go help his baby brother.

Before I got up to leave, he said in the most sad little voice ever, “can you say a widdle prayah fo me mommy?“

If you think my heart melted into a little puddle right then and there, you’re not wrong.

I prayed for him, asking God to heal his back, to help him stay asleep, and to help him be brave. As I finished the prayer, I noticed he had already fallen asleep before I finished the prayer.

As I left, I said another prayer…I thanked God for these sweet moments, for even though they seem so difficult at times, they can still pierce our hearts and create memories that last a lifetime. He can turn any trial into a meaningful moment, and I can’t tell you how much hope that brings me.

We will heal, we will be at peace, and we will be brave.

April 13, 2008 | Filed Under Family | 5 Comments

Lovely and Mellow

Today, April 12th, it’s supposed to snow. It’s dreary and cloudy, and even though I have some energy, and some exciting things in the works, I’m mellow today. Not a bad mellow, just mellow. Not firecracker-excited and not funky-depressed, which are usually the only two settings on my brain.

So today I thought I’d share with you this lovely, don’t know if you should cry or laugh it’s so lovely, video that I found from someone on Twitter. Consider this your dose of warm fuzzy for the day:

April 12, 2008 | Filed Under Myself and I, Randomness | 1 Comment

Strawberry Milk Forever

So this week was rough. I wrote about it over here. Ready for a nice weekend and a fresh start next week!

April 11, 2008 | Filed Under Autism, NWI Parent | 3 Comments

Just Let It Go: Finding a New Love

One of my favorite lines in the movie Jerry Maguire is when Renee Zellweger’s character says “I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is“. I’m sure we all laughed at that part, especially women viewers, because it’s so true. Why do women think they can change men? Can make them “better”?

Recently I was talking with a friend about some exciting new business matters we’re working on together, and I suddenly realized we were doing the same change-y thing with a potential business endeavor. This business was not quite good enough, but we liked the idea of the business. We didn’t like the way the business was being run, the way the business looked, or the way the future looked as long as it stayed the same, but we liked our future with the business if we could change it. We realized we were trying to change the business to be the business it almost was and the business we wanted it to be. Finally I said, “You know? We just need to go find another man!”, and we started brainstorming about starting our own business, instead of trying to change someone else’s.

Sometimes we can do this with various people in our lives. Expect them to be people they just are NOT. We want our disconnected parent to be better at loving us. We want the long time friend to stop being negative and bring something optimistic to the conversation. Maybe we wish our husbands would be better to our friends or play more with our kids. The thing is, constantly expecting people to be who they aren’t, no matter how “nobel” our intentions, is a recipe for disappointment and bitterness. We’re better off dumping them from our lives altogether or better yet–simply accepting them they way they are, and seek the things we wanted from them–from someone else.

But what is the common denominator here? Why do so many of us have this need to prop up wounded people or endeavors? Could it be that we are too afraid to really go after what will make us happy? Too afraid of what that happiness would mean, and how devastated we’d be if that happiness ever went away? How many times have you let fear of failure–be it personally or professionally–get in the way of your happiness?

April 10, 2008 | Filed Under Relationships | 7 Comments

Education Day: Chicago Moms Blog

I’m thrilled to tell you all that I’ve joined Chicago Moms Blog as a new contributor! Chicago Moms Blog is a part of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog group, which also includes NYC, New Jersey and DC Metro (with more sites on the way). They have a lot of great writers, stay at home moms and working moms alike. You don’t have to live in one of the cities to enjoy the blogs, because the topics are those which all moms are passionate about.

My first post is up today, and it’s Education topic day for all the sites. Come check it out!

April 9, 2008 | Filed Under Chicago Moms Blog | 3 Comments