Just Let It Go: Finding a New Love

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One of my favorite lines in the movie Jerry Maguire is when Renee Zellweger’s character says “I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is“. I’m sure we all laughed at that part, especially women viewers, because it’s so true. Why do women think they can change men? Can make them “better”?

Recently I was talking with a friend about some exciting new business matters we’re working on together, and I suddenly realized we were doing the same change-y thing with a potential business endeavor. This business was not quite good enough, but we liked the idea of the business. We didn’t like the way the business was being run, the way the business looked, or the way the future looked as long as it stayed the same, but we liked our future with the business if we could change it. We realized we were trying to change the business to be the business it almost was and the business we wanted it to be. Finally I said, “You know? We just need to go find another man!”, and we started brainstorming about starting our own business, instead of trying to change someone else’s.

Sometimes we can do this with various people in our lives. Expect them to be people they just are NOT. We want our disconnected parent to be better at loving us. We want the long time friend to stop being negative and bring something optimistic to the conversation. Maybe we wish our husbands would be better to our friends or play more with our kids. The thing is, constantly expecting people to be who they aren’t, no matter how “nobel” our intentions, is a recipe for disappointment and bitterness. We’re better off dumping them from our lives altogether or better yet–simply accepting them they way they are, and seek the things we wanted from them–from someone else.

But what is the common denominator here? Why do so many of us have this need to prop up wounded people or endeavors? Could it be that we are too afraid to really go after what will make us happy? Too afraid of what that happiness would mean, and how devastated we’d be if that happiness ever went away? How many times have you let fear of failure–be it personally or professionally–get in the way of your happiness?

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April 10, 2008 | Filed Under Relationships

Comments

7 Responses to “Just Let It Go: Finding a New Love”

John on April 10th, 2008 4:10 pm

so true!
pinks & blues girls on April 10th, 2008 4:18 pm

This is such a great post. I definitely find myself trying to make people into something they’re not at times (even if it’s ever so minor) and it’s something I try to work on. I’m just me, and people take me (or leave me!) at that, so I really do try to do the same.

Oh, and I love that line from Jerry Maguire, too. Remember when they spliced that Springsteen song with lines from the movie? I loved that and so wish I had saved my mix tapes with that song on them! Ha!

Jane, Pinks & Blues
Audrey - Pinks & Blues on April 10th, 2008 5:25 pm

I loved this post!! I was just talking about this type of thing with my mother this afternoon!

I have always believed that we create our own lives… and I know that I have always been the type of person to do just what you mentioned, make people into something they are not.

I try not to let failure be an option… I really do try to embrace the fact that failure is something that just picks you up and makes you try header or in a different capacity. Or… one of my fav lines, “Failure is not an option!”
Thanks for the GREAT thinking post.

And Jerry Maguire… oh yes, it had me at “hello!”

xo,
Audrey
Ashlee / Mama's Nest on April 10th, 2008 6:34 pm

good stuff girl! I obviously agree with you on the biz stuff but I love how this applies in so many other ways. Thinking, thinking.
Adventures In Babywearing on April 11th, 2008 8:30 am

I am trying to figure out just where I fit in here. Is it possible- at the same time- that I have my feet firmly planted on the ground, but my head in the clouds?

Steph
Nell@CasualFridayEveryday on April 11th, 2008 6:12 pm

I let little things go, but if someone is toxic to my life I let them go. I had to do this with my Father and have slowly dropped back my time with my other family member, because of how toxic they’ve become. If it’s just little annoying things I do just let it go though….live with it.
Just Jamie on April 13th, 2008 3:37 pm

This one really speaks to me. I’m guilty of this far too often.

Thanks for the reminder to appreciate what I have, rather than dwell on what I wish I had.