**Photo from Flickr
This morning when I went outside I noticed something different. With the temps being in the 30’s lately, the last thing I expected to see was new, green growth poking through the ground. Tiny little soon-to-be daffodils and tulips, fighting their way to the sky. I felt sad for them, for even though they know it’s now April, which is a perfectly respectable time to “spring” from the ground, they obviously didn’t get the memo that it’s still freezing outside. Their little buds won’t make it if they keep this course. I want to tell them to wait, to take their time growing, tell them they have plenty of time to be big. To bloom. But I’m as powerless to stop their perilous plight as I am to slow my own children’s rush to be older. The ambition makes me thrilled and scared all at the same time. I don’t want my blooms or my babies to suffer, but the power to protect them does not lie within me.
Each day I watch my boys develop some new skill, say some new words and grow a little bit taller on our “measure” wall. We started marking their height on the wall when we moved into this house 18 months ago. Looking at the difference in height today makes me feel swirls of emotions. Sad, excited, bittersweet. Have I enjoyed each inch as it passed by me? Mostly, yes, but I also forget to notice some days. The daily routines and breaking up of fights can take over my fragile patience and now and then I find myself wishing they would just grow up already. Sure, I will be happy when I’m no longer hearing “someone needs to wipe me!” beckoning from the bathroom**. But I try to remember that there will be a day when that same voice isn’t asking for my help from the other room. When he isn’t needing me for every little thing, and isn’t even IN my house any more to talk.
The new little buds will continue to push upward and onward, and so will my little buddies. All I can do is cut through the difficult times and focus on what’s real. The miracle of children learning and becoming bigger and bigger is my honor to witness. I’ll try not to blink.
**As I’m typing this my little man just came running out of the bathroom and said, “I wiped my own bum! I don’t need your help!”
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome post…. this was such a joy to read!
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I know what you mean totally. I swear each day he comes running into our bedroom, he seems a little taller. I know some people might think I’m strange for nursing him so long (he’s now 21 months old) but it’s the only time he still seems like a little baby when he looks up at me as he nurses. It’s our only cuddle time now that all he wants to do is play. I just look at him and know the next time I blink, I’ll be watching him graduate. Sometimes when I dance with him in the living room I imagine some day dancing with him at his wedding reception. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. I don’t know how that’s possible, but it is.
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my jonah had a new found independance today…he played for hours and hours today, without needing me for any assistance…*sigh”
jen
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So true… I remember when I was pregnant, everyone told me “they grow up so fast”. I understood in a way but now I really know what they meant. My baby is almost 9 months. With the 1 year mark just around the corner, I already miss the baby he was. I can only console myself with the anticipation of watching him grow and bloom.
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Beautiful post! It is unbelievable how fast time has went since having kids. Definitely trying not to blink with you.
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So true…
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This was so profound, Arianne. And so true – we want to watch our buds and our babies grow and thrive, and yet we also know want to protect them from all the harshness the world can bring. We want to freeze moments in time so that we can keep our buds and our babies safe. The closest we can get to that is a snapshot in time, like that photograph.
Jane, Pinks & Blues
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I just copied this for Grandpa to read. You know he will tear up. Keep writing, I love hearing your thoughts. But where are your new pictures?
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I just noticed the buds on our trees by the sidewalk. A promise that summer is coming!
And congrats to your son on the butt wiping – love it!
Lori
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What a wonderful post! You’re such a brilliant writer. I’m sad that my boy is 6 months already! Whaaaaaaaa….
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So, so true. The leaps of growth each day can be bittersweet but sooo much to rejoice in!
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what a sweet and perfect analogy. and i love the idea of a “measure” wall. i am starting that with the kids tomorrow. :)
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