To Think Is To Create

Mar
18

Friends Forever

4 comments

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Today I’m thinking about friends. Past, present, what makes up a friend? Obviously the people that you see face to face on a regular basis and share your heart and soul with would be considered a friend, or even those close to your heart but far away from your home can be called “friend”. What about online? Who do you consider an actual “friend” as opposed to someone you just talked with passing by? Does it involve regularly commenting on each others’ blog, Twittering back and forth, or something more? Maybe emailing “off blog” creates a bond of some kind, but would you call those people your friends?

Sometimes I feel like I’m friends with someone whom I’ve chatted with a bit online, but then I think about random strangers I chat with when I’m out and about at the store or at the school–I don’t consider them a friend. Just a friendly stranger. How is it that essentially anonymous online chatter can seem more intimate than a chat face to face about the weather?

A concept I recently discovered, but which may actually be common knowledge to the rest of the world (this wouldn’t be the first thing in that category, if that is the case!) is Dunbar’s Number. It’s the idea that we can only sustain 150 stable, inter-personal relationships (including past relationships that we’d like to rekindle, i.e. high school friends). The research is based on apes and the physical make-up of our brains. What do you think? I’m fascinated by it, and can’t say I disagree.

I’m fascinated by people, and constantly find myself contemplating people, their behaviors, their motives. I think that social media (myspace, facebook, twitter, etc.) are fun, but am astounded by their popularity. People crave interaction, crave acceptance. We’re all looking for our 150, our tribe. The way our culture has changed over the last few decades has made it difficult to find the 150–we’ve spread ourselves out so very much. I think the internet and blogs and social media sites are finally bringing us all back together, closer than ever.

Later this week I’m going to talk about finding your tribe. Have you found yours?

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Posted by Arianne under Myself and I
  1. Mama C-ta Said,

    You know I haven’t had a “best friend” since I was in 10th grade. I’m quick to refer to my online peeps as friends but more hesitant to use the term for real-lifers. No idea why because I’m no where near my 150.

    And actually tonight I told my husband, “my friend Arianne’s blog was hijacked…”

  2. milk&honey Said,

    Have you read Malcom Gladwell’s The Tipping Point? That’s where I first learned about Dunbar’s Number.

    This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, especially since one of my longest and closest friendships seems to be ending, the one that I thought would never end.

    I’ve never had a lot of friends, I’ve always been the type to have a handful of very close friends, but lately, I’ve been feeling like there’s this disconnect. Like we’re all on different pages and turning into different people who don’t “fit” together anymore. It’s sad. I haven’t found my tribe yet.

    What makes online relationships so different than face-to-face relationships, for me, is the constant flow of shared lives, stories and personalities. We already know so much about each other. I’ve ‘met’ people online through blogging that know more about me and what’s going on in my life than friends I’ve had for 5 years, and I’m sure it works both ways. We’re here because we want to be, not out of obligation. That’s a truer friendship than most people experience, I think.

  3. Katja of Skimbaco Said,

    I love meeting new people and while moving around the world the last 11 years, internet has been my way to connect and find like-minded people.

    Since I met my husband, I haven’t really had any other “best-friend” or a girl friend, and like Mama C-ta said, I talk all the time “my friend Arienne/Stephanie/Jane/Amy..” referring to my online friends I’ve actually never met.

    And I have way passed the 150 in my internet friends, I am still craving to know more. I don’t think it’s as much acceptance from other people I’m looking for - I’m just interested in different views, and love that I have friends from other extremes to the next one.

    Ps. I wrote about how I sometimes hate to love my virtual life so much..
    http://skimbaco.blogspot.com/2008/02/sometimes-i-hate-to-love-my-virtual.html

  4. To Think Is To Create » Blog Archive » Tribal Needs Said,

    [...] week I waxed poetic about who we consider to be our “friends”. We seem to bond much faster to our online [...]

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