Jan
14
Posted by Arianne
My dad has always been loyal to one person above all else. Chuck Norris. No matter how much my siblings and I made fun of the look, the muscles, or the hair, my dad always defended him. We could make fun of my dad all day long. No problem, he laughed with us! But if we dare make a snide comment about Walker, Texas Ranger, suddenly we had offended him in the worst way possible.
Now, ever since Conan’s Walker Texas Ranger Lever (be sure to check out Clip #2), The Chuckster is back in a big way.
Today I found possibly the funniest website EVER. Check out Chuck Norris Facts. There’s a ton of good tom foolery material, and here are some of my favorite lines:
“Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. “
“Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.”
“In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.”
“There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.”
“If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.”
“Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.”
“When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.”
And I could go on. And on. And on.
Jan
08
Posted by Arianne
Yesterday Hubs and I had a “Border’s Date”. We had a babysitter for a couple hours and decided to go troll the aisles at Border’s, get coffee and read through a bunch of books we had no intention of buying. We were in the fitness and health section (which was WAY to crowded for my “don’t do what everyone else does” self). Hubs is working on looking like an Abercrombie and Fitch model so we were looking at the books that teach you how to be buff. I’m interested in just getting any muscle at all, so I was looking at the “Be Fit While You Sit” type books. I came across a book called “8 Minutes in the Morning: How You Can Lose 2 Pounds Per Week” or something like that. I was so excited, and I will admit that I BOUGHT it. It’s actually pretty good. Especially the part where it told me to take Sundays off, since I didn’t want to get too crazy and start the program right away. I started thinking about this whole “8 Minutes in the Morning” thing, and decided its an absolutely genius concept. What other kinds of things can we schedule this way? Here are some ideas, and you can feel free to steal them (unless you make money in which case I expect hush money):
“8 Minutes in the Morning: Get Your Degree in 10 Short Years”
“8 Minutes in the Morning: Crank Call Your Way to a Happier You”
“8 Minutes in the Morning: Become a Socialite in One Short Week”
“8 Minutes in the Morning: How to Get Pregnant”
“8 Minutes in the Morning: Making Sure You Don’t Kill Anyone Today”
“8 Minutes in the Morning: Its Ok To Just Lay There”
Share your ideas with me…I think this series could be even huger than those “Chicken Soup….” books!
Jan
05
Posted by Arianne
Its been brought to my attention by a certain someone who will remain nameless and who I am married to, that I don’t “write” any more on my blog. So there’s “no point commenting on it”.
If you look at my archives you will see that I did used to “write”. A lot. Lately I’ve been more of a linkage girl. I don’t know why I’m content to just share cool stuff and not write. I didn’t even learn how to do hyperlinks until 8 months into my blogging.
One thing that contributes to the lack of novella is my total and utter addiction to gossip blogs. Most of said blogs I won’t admit to reading, and don’t even have on my blog roll. However, reading gossip isn’t taking away from writing, its a side effect of something. But what?
Well, I had a light bulb moment today. I read those gossip blogs to escape.
I used to read a lot of intellectual blogs, covering a wide array of topics like politics and current events. I also used to work out, have energy and be joyful.
Now I will hit the same gossip blogs 3 or 4 times to see if there’s an update on the whole “Lindsay Lohan’s a bulimic crack whore” story. If I read those, and other light and funny blogs, I don’t have to think about all the sadness going on in the country, in the world. If I read those I don’t have to think about all the sadness going on in my own life.
So what is the solution? Go back to snarky and depressing posts about my life? Or keep on with the linkage? At this point I’m not quite sure. I don’t know where this blog is headed. I don’t really know where I’m headed.**
I will tell you that my Christmas was the worst ever. I wasn’t going to bring it up, but then you wouldn’t be able to come here, read my blog, and feel really great about your own life. So, I’m doing a public service, you see.
I got the flu and was the sickest I’ve ever been in my whole life. My neighbor who I barely know (I’ve only lived here for 5 months, do you expect me to be out-going or something?) started doing laundry for me (we share laundry machines), started saying I’m always sick (won me over with that one) and began taking pity on me.
“After I had my second daughter I was sick for three years”, she said. “I never had any help, so I just wanted to help you out.” It was nice and all, but just made me feel worse about myself. The truth is, I AM always sick. Today I hated the world and figured I must be PMS’ing. “Here we go again”, I thought. I will feel like shit for another week.
On top of being sick and missing almost the entire Christmas season because I was delirious with fever, my son started regressing rapidly. There was way too much crying going on by all the children and the mommy and the daddy in this house. Don’t you want to come visit me now? We are SO fun!
So, I would totally end this post with something inspirational, and talk about how everything will get better, but I can’t. I’m busy. I have to go check the latest on the Brangelina pregnancy. She so is!!
**Existential meanderings will always appear during that special time of the month. Yes, I’m talking about that.
