It’s ironic, in a sad way, that I was writing about burns and tragedy yesterday.  For, you see I just found out that today is Nie Nie Day, as declared by Design Mom, and Nie Nie Day is in honor of Stephanie of Nie Nie Dialogues.  On August 16, 2008, Stephanie and her husband Christian were in a very serious private plane crash in Arizona.  Christian suffered burns over 30% of his body, and Stephanie’s body is burned over 80%.

I can’t even imagine the pain and suffering, not to mention just being away from your children (and for them to be away from you) for the amount of time that these two sweet people will have to endure.

As part of Nie Nie Day, many bloggers are hosting silenct auctions to raise money for the Nielsons.  Of course at Ruby & Roja we wanted to participate, so go here to bid on a Plush Design Package.  Also be sure to read the post at Design Mom today, to check out all the other amazing bloggers coming together, rallying around and helping a “man down”.

May God bless them immensely with all this bloggy love.

The other night I went to bed, slid into my tiny space next to my baby and my husband, and couldn’t get to sleep.  This is not necessarily something new for me, but that night was different.  I put my cheek on my baby’s arm and just took in his milky, perfect skin.  I caressed his head and cheek and wrist and hand and fingers.  Gently, so as not to wake him (I’m not crazy!).  I was overwhelmed with gratitude for him, for all my children, for all my friends and family.  For this life.

I had just watched a documentary on HBO called White Light/Black Rain: The Destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  They used  lengthy interviews and archival footage to tell the story of the survivors of the A-bomb that the U.S. dropped on them on August 6, 1945, to end WWII.

You can imagine, just from the title, that the movie was not a feel good flick (see an interview with the filmmaker here).  Most of the movie has subtitles, because it is the actual survivors speaking japanese, telling what they experienced, talking about all they endured.

It shook me.  I shake still.

So much of that whole event has been glossed over for us.  We barely study it in history class in school, and we certainly don’t hear anything about that pesky death and destruction part.  It seems that this documentary alone should be required viewing (for older aged teens, because it shows graphic images of the dead and wounded), just so that we can teach people the truth and consequences of our actions, no matter if those actions are necessary or not. The beginning of the movie is of the filmmakers roaming the streets, asking people what happened on August 6, 1945.  No one knew the answer.

Whether we agree with our actions on that day or not, the victims should not be forgotten simply because it’s inconvenient, yucky or upsetting.

It needs to never happen again.

If you listen to any of the international news, the “nuclear” word is thrown around daily, by many countries, including our own. Don’t be fooled into thinking this issue is not a current one, because it is.  Sticking our head in the sand is not a defense.

Most of the survivors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki lost all their siblings and their parents.  One man said, “the only things that moved in Hiroshima were the flies over the dead”.  Another said, “I realized there are two kinds of courage.  The courage to die, and the courage to live.  I chose the courage to live, even if I was alone.”  She was 10 at the time the bomb hit.

The death toll between the two cities was over 200,000 people the day of the bomb, with over 160,000 more dying from injuries or radiation toxicity (those stats are from the documentary).  Today, over 60 years later, the survivors still have severe health problems.  Tumors, pain, cancer, it goes on and on and on.  At the time, when they were all showing up with “atomic bomb disease”, or radiation poisoning, no one knew it existed.  We hadn’t studied that part yet.

The survivors carried around a stigma, were shunned from society and treated like the radiation symptoms they exhibited were contagious.  No one wanted to be by them or marry them.  If they did marry and have children, their own children were also shunned.

One survivor said, “even though we survived, we couldn’t live or die like human beings”.

They were almost all children, and had no where to go.  They lived on the streets, eating radiated food or animals that they could catch.  Their government did nothing, our government did nothing.

So as I lay there thinking of my baby’s skin, and all the images of the children with burned and charred skin, I remembered that life is so beautiful for us.  No matter the struggles, the hard days, the financial woes.  My children are not orphans.  They aren’t wandering the streets looking for food so they don’t starve.  They aren’t enduring agonizing pain from burns allover their body.

Can you even imagine?

The status of things with our government and military, and our enemies, is very fragile right now.  When it feels as though there’s nothing we moms can do, one thing we can remember is how precious our love and life is.  We can teach our children the same, and hope and pray that these stories stay in history and don’t become a part of our future.

Have you checked out 5 Minutes for Going Green yet?  When I’m not spending my time here posting pictures and waxing poetic, I’m wrangling fabulous a bunch green writers, and am continuously amazed at the great articles they come up with day after day.  Just in the last couple weeks we’ve had:

A fresh look at cloth diapers by Jenn at The Green Parent

-Thoughts on taking care of our mind, body and spirit by Beth at Coming Up For Air

-Great tips on greening our magazines by Jennifer of The Smart Mama

-New ideas on healthy school lunches by Jennifer at Little Green Secrets

-And amazing thoughts on food allergies and helping depression with gardening by Jen at EcoChic Organizer

All this, and so much more every day at 5 Minutes for Going Green.  Amazing resources, quick and easy tips, zero judgment.  My kind of women.

We are looking for a couple new writers for the site, email me if you or someone you know would be a good fit (arianne[at]tothinkistocreate.com).

What are some of your favorite green or healthy or natural sites?  I’d love to hear about them!

I’m so in love with my camera family, that I just have to post some pictures for you.  Do you mind?

These were taken at a recent day at the Lincoln Park Zoo, which is like the best place ever.  I wish I lived next door.

We all had a big family outing because this guy was in town:

He thinks he’s cool because he’s almost 21.  He’ll always be the baby.

This girl is going to have to be locked in her room until she’s 25.  She’s my niece-ling, and first granddaughter.

She came from these two totally average looking people:

She has a special bond with this guy, my middle child, pre-scissor attack (he put his hat on her and then they both posed).

Then we have this guy, my baby, who is not at all photogenic.

He is really good at smiling his way out of any predicament.  Just like his Dad.

Then we have my oldest, who is near impossible to get smiling, especially a natural smile.  He hates photos, but somehow we caught this pic of him smiling.  This face doesn’t happen very often, so we swoon over it something fierce.  The fact that it seems like he’s looking me in the eye, something which is also rare, gives me butterflies.  I could look at this photo all day…

What a day.

I’ve been really enjoying watching the olympics lately–the exciting endings, heart breaking defeats.  The Phelps effect.  All so beautiful, to see what normal people can do with extraordinary skill, if they put their mind to it.

But even more moving has been to watch the footage of all the mothers of the athletes.  I cry with them, as they see their child win yet another gold, and I cry with them as they hurt for their child who missed their chance and must now live with losing what coule be the most important competition of their life.

I think it all makes me emotional because I imagine my boys doing these feats of greatness, and I can almost feel what it’s like to be the mother of a child who receives such recognition. Gold medal?  Silver or bronze medal?  How proud I would be!

But I also know that my children will be great, no matter if they decide to be Olympians or to be a struggling artist.  If they choose the path of a Starbucks barista or if they join the Peace Corps and go out to save the world. It’s that unconditional love, that we realize now more than ever, that is not always freely given by those you love.  For us, it’s easy.  It’s who we are.

The greatness of spirit that my boys posess means they will be touching lives no matter what their profession, or if they win competitions, awards or accolades.  Changing a life just by being themselves is one of their superpowers now, so I know I can expect that greatness to continue.

As I look out the window of the future, I see a glimpse.  A moment here or there of “oh he will make a great gymnast!” or “He’s definitely going to be a famous writer”, but in the end that window, although gleaming brightly, still stays blurry.  And so I wait with excited anticipation to see which path they choose, knowing I’ll be there for them every step of the way.

How silly of me to want to grow out his hair, when his brother CLEARLY had other ideas.

The funny thing is, I don’t know if he’s going to let me fix it without a major fight.

He LOVES it.  His brother LOVES it (well, it’s his work, and he’s standing behind it no matter what).

At first I thought he looked like a balding accountant.

He’s still a Los Angeles boy at heart.  He told me he looks like a “cool punk dude” and now he’s ready for his first day of school ever.  Montessori wants them to express themselves, but I don’t think they had this in mind.

You don’t even want to see the back.  Unless you feel like crying.

But yesterday, post-hair disaster, he asked another kid at the park what his name was.  For the first time ever.  I wanted to hold a party.  Autism can suckit.

They’re getting better, friends.  The light at the end of the tunnel is so, so bright now.

I’ve been neglecting this blog this month, but as I see the start of school looming around the corner, I feel the tiny twinge of a new season coming upon us.  The weather may not change, but it will be a new season for our family.  Two boys in school, newness all around.  Every reason to be happy and excited and fulfilled.

So that is what I keep telling myself.  Hoping at some point that it will stick.  That the awfulness of this summer will stay in the past, be swept under thr rug, be a bad memory.  How many times can I blog that I’m a shadow person right now?  Writing here is always a reflection of me.  Of where I’m at, for better or worse.  But the last thing people really want to read about for very long is how “off” someone is feeling.

I used to be really good at handling stress.  Used to be.  I see that phrase and I long for that person.  The strong person that didn’t let a super hard day where autism kicked her behind ten ways to Texas set her back for a week.  Where financial stress was always “God has a plan, we’ll be fine”, instead of the daily dread I wake up to now.  Where family stress didn’t phase her for a second, and feeling distant from friends was non-existent.  Where new opportunities were exciting and the ideas were free flowing and nothing could stop her.  That person seemed to have the confidence to live life to its fullest.  Why is that person so hard to find right now?

I realize that in some ways, I will never be going “back” to that person.  I need to create a new person.  So I sit here and try to figure out what I want the new me, that includes all those other things, with the scars of the present, to look like.  To live like.

I know that around that corner, where school and the fall and new friends and opportunities lie, my same old happy go lucky soul is waiting for me to find it and scoop it up again.  Placing it back in it’s rightful place inside my heart.  I just need to get there.

As some of you may know, I’ve been working with the girls of ruby & roja design and we’ve just launched our new site.  So shiny, so pretty, so red!

I adore working with such talented and amazing women, they inspire me and show me that moms can have their own business, can do it from home, and can still keep some semblance of sanity.

The best news of today is that ruby & roja is giving away a free blog redesign (Essential package–$70 value!) to one lucky reader.  Go here to enter.  Good luck!

Here is this week’s installment of My Favorite Tweets, and be sure to not miss the inaugural Weekly Twitterings post.  I have so much fun going through and picking these, I hope you enjoy them as well.  You can follow me on Twitter to catch all the action in real time.

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We’re home.  And in one piece, despite landing amidst tornado sirens, lightening, and screaming children (mine, unfortunately).  I’m not sure I’ve experienced a worse plane ride, and maybe soon my spirit will recover enough to tell you all about it.

I missed you all.  Excuse me while I take today to find my sanity…